orange goddess

2002-04-05T06:44:00.000-08:00

what are you doing still here? you should be here by now!

2002-04-01T21:37:00.000-08:00

04.02.02.
judgement has come to its worst toll. i will say nothing. thoughts left in my head, waiting to burst once again. feelings confined. i will say nothing.

2002-03-31T11:10:00.000-08:00

Which Domain Owner Are You? Im Sam from Blue-Sam.Net

ah. shameless plugging. lol.

no, it's not that i've stopped taking tests. in fact, there is a whole line of quiz results bookmarked, waiting to be posted. so there. one test at a time. hehe.

2002-03-31T09:24:00.000-08:00

wow. check out what she wrote on my gbook. so maybe that entry of mine came out to be a bit rude to some. i wrote that simply out of surprise, i didn't think that so many people would come fleeting into my site just because i gave a little comment about him and death in general. and yes, i do respect him as an actor. i don't see how posting that entry was in any way, disrespect. so there. no use for you, grace, to get all hyped up about it. and no use for me to prolong this issue.

(and one more thing. people sould realize that online journals are there so that people can voice out their own opinions about things. it isn't anybody's right to question it. what i say here is what i think and feel. no judgement whatsover should come from any of the readers. and if there is any, it is best kept to themselves rather than thrown at me. it's just plain bullshit. if you want to bash me, talk about my crappy layout, not my thoughts.)

2002-03-31T08:57:00.000-08:00

of course, the grim reaper just had to wrap up the holy week with another death: after dudley moore and rico yan, he's taken away the queen mum. goodness.

today my dad came home with a plastic bag, saying he had bought some pirated vcds. he removed three: first, showtime, which is yet to be shown here, ocean's eleven (the copy turned out to be a really crappy one.), and *gasp* titanic. i couldn't believe my eyes. all the while he had assumed that we actually like the movie. ew. well i did like making fun of leo, but that was it. he even paid a bit more for that movie because it contains three cds instead of the usual two. so he consoled himself, said, "nevermind, i like the movie anyway. i'll watch it."

which is even worse. because the vcd player is stationed in our room, so we would actually have to sit through the three hour long movie. and my dad would beg us to come back if he would see us leaving. damn. no way out. maybe i could burn the cds and just say that i don't know, the little person inside the tv set was hungry and ate it.

this is so rad. i opened my site meter and lookie what i found: 122 visit just from today! that's waay more than the average number of people i get per day. i feel so loved. lol.

earlier my best friend rose and i have should have done our SNR, or Sunday Night Ritual. we've been doing this since we were in our second year of high school, we'd talk every sunday night, usually right after will and grace. our snrs began to become sessions of exchanging secrets, studying over the phone, or silence as we'd do the latest writing homework from our writing class.

she's in baguio now, so we did not talk tonight. neither did we talk last week, because we both couldn't get through each other's lines. and we can't talk next week because she will still be in baguio. she'll be returning mid-april, then will be going back to baguio before school starts. that's where she'll be studying for the first year of college. i wonder what i wil be doing every sunday night for the next year.

2002-03-30T19:51:00.000-08:00

okay. first it was halley berry. now i'm getting waay too many search queries about rico yan.

no this is not a rico yan fansite. neither is this a memorium on him.

2002-03-30T07:29:00.000-08:00

i can't believe how many hits i'm getting from search requests of halley berry during the oscars. to think i mentioned her like once. (well twice now.) she truly won the hearts of internet junkies.

i can see the surface of my table! yes, thank you, thank you. i've been cleaning my table ever since exams were over (march 9, i think) and it's only now that i can actually see the surface. and it's damn dirty. and where did everything go? oh i threw some papers, but most of the mess has been transfered to my bed. lol.

heath ledger was so hot in a knight's tale.

onto the serious stuff.

to any pinoys reading this, sobrang baduy ito. (no use explaining that phrase to er, international readers. you can skip this part too.)

i woke up this morning to the sound of the morning news and saw my two yayas and my sister sprawled around the room, watching the latest update on rico yan. he's this local teen heartthrob who died yesterday morning. (i think i mentioned that in a previous blog...yep, i did.) it didn't really occur to me that he had died until this morning. it's weird really, to see famous people. they look so--immortal, i guess. and suddenly when you hear news about their deaths it's even harder to accept than to hear the death of a loved one (knock on wood).

i think the reason why people look up to famous people is because for an ordinary person he or she finds one particular person who gets to be his or her fantasy. he or she dreams about becoming this person simply because he or she seems perfect. flawless. and then to hear about something tragic happening to this person is a shattering experience. it's like a child's red balloon popping as it flows higher and higher into the sky. a dream lost. reality faces you and you realize that not even famous people can bring you away from your very own tragedy.

weird. i'm not saying that i was ever a fan of rico yan. hell the only local male celebrities i like/d are bernard palanca (then) and carlo ledesma (sigh.) in fact rico yan was one of those celebrities who was the epitome of kabaduyan. but people looked up to him. teenagers, yayas, grandmothers. he had this wholesome, innocent image that everybody simply adored. now he's gone, and what all the fans can really do is cry a bit, mourn, and move on to the next hottest teen heartthrob. sad, isn't it?

ok. stop sobbing. i know, i know life is hard. especially for famous people like me. haha.

go check out lei's site. she's very nice to me so i will be very nice to her as well. she is orange-y and beatle-y!

2002-03-29T08:06:00.000-08:00

like a lot of other people, i do not enjoy holy week in the philippines. we are not catholics, so we don't (what's the word?) celebrate it. when we were young our family would go to the beach or rent some place with a swimming pool or whatever, but that doesn't happen now, not when everything is too expensive to enjoy. so basically there's never anything to do during the holy week. when all your friends are out of town and when all the malls are closed and everyday feels like a lazy sunday.

so we took the liberty of renting movies to last us the whole weekend. we borrowed dogma, sliding doors (for the nth time. i can't believe my sister hasn't seen it.), chocolat, a knight's tale, among others.

i watched dogma last night. (ok, early this morning. but what's the difference?) i could no longer wait for my sisters to both be free just so i could finally watch it. so i watched it last night. i swear, ever since the movie was released, i had been dying to watch it. i don't think it ever showed in the philippines, being a very devout catholic nation. and until yesterday there was never any stock of the movie in any of the video rentals i've been to.

i completely enjoyed the movie. i love every single character. and i can't believe that i *once* had crushes on matt damon and ben affleck. ew. (although ben affleck didn't look too bad in the movie.) god was so cute. hehe.

right now i'm watching chocolat. (johnny depp, if you are reading this, i love you.) now that i think of it, we rented very "holy" movies for the holy week.

so what else has been happening since i've last blogged? nothing much really. my dad has been home for the past couple of days so i can't really get out of notcleaning my table since he's been watching my every move. he even got into the act by cleaning up the bean bag filled with my old school bags. how embarassing for him to see what's inside them. because of that, the only time i can work on my soon-to-be-uploaded site is at night, when my sister is no longer hogging the computer with all her reports and my dad is fast asleep, no longer checking how much trash i've gotten rid of.

i'm going to be hosted on Neolithiq.net, and i hear there's going to be a hostee's blog. i think the layout's all done, they're just waiting for me. pressure, pressure. ok. i should begin setting up a deadline. and a schedule too. ew. this is turning out to be like some sort of school project.

(may i say that while my sister is drooling over the chocolate being cooked, i am drooling over johnny depp. yum.)

i had a scary dream last night. i dreamed of this german one-hit wonder bubblegum-pop singer, gil. he was at the entrance of this mall, glorietta, with a saleslady. they were sitting on the table and they were promoting gil's album. i was insulting him to his face but i got the album anyway. the album, which was in tape, was sold in packets of four. later on i found this friend, i don't know who, and led her back to the entrance, and we once again threw insults at gil. haha. what a funny dream. my sister, being a budding psychologist, warned me that ahem, "dreams are manifestations of your sub-conscious". my sub-conscious says: i am actually a crazed gil fan. and i want to kill him. lol.

check her out. i've been visiting her site for a while now, and she's been sitting on list of links on the right but it was only the other day i found out that she actually designed the album covers of local artisits like imago, sandwich and the eraserheads! that is so cool. i remember just recently looking at my bestfriend's copy of imago's album and staring in awe at the coolness of it. check out her works on album packaging here.

2002-03-29T02:03:00.000-08:00

this friday's five:

1. If you could eat dinner with and "get to know" one famous person (living or dead), who would you choose?
i don't know. i suppose billy corgan? i love his intelligence. and the way he writes. maybe a dinner with him would rub some of that onto me.

2. Has the death of a famous person ever had an effect on you? Who was it and how did you feel?
the death of princess diana (i know, that's so old.) came at a time when so many other famous people were dying. mother teresa, my friend's dad, hell, even this wrestler from wwf (yes, i was once a fan). that made me realize how "mortal" we really are. how things can happen so fast, how nothing is ever really perfect for these famous people.

3. If you could BE a famous person for 24 hours, who would you choose?
probably ben stiller or jimmy fallon. haha. i want to see where all the humor comes from. maybe becomng them for a whole day would rub off humor onto me. har har. (see related answer, #1.)

4. Do people ever tell you that you look like someone famous? Who?
no one. *sighs*. but during one of my cousin's weddings riese and klassy kept insisting i looked like drew barrymore (i still don't see how.) on the other hand, i kept insisting that klassy looked like winona ryder and riese looked like marion (?) from m2m. hehe.

5. Have you ever met anyone famous?
quite a lot actually. local stars like pilita corales (in one of the family baptisms), gaby concepcion (one of my cousin's debuts), a few basketball players, reg from greyhoundz, barbie from barbie's cradle, cynthia alexander...
last night i dreamed that i was making fun of gil, this wimpy german singer, to his face. seriously.

speaking of famous and dead. i found out about an hour ago that this young local star, rico yan, died. what a coincidence.

2002-03-25T10:03:00.000-08:00

here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well / here's to the nights we felt alive / here's to the tears you knew you'd cry / here's to goodbye tomorrow's gonna come to soon / all my time is froze in motion / can't i stay an hour or two or more / don't let me let you go

i'm looking around / there's nothing that i could want / more than to tell you / there's no more than we've already got / i'll be all right / as long as it matters / as long as you're here with me now / forget that our time is almost up

i think these two songs would best define the past few days i've been spending with my senior class. tonight we had a party, our own version of the senior prom / graduation ball. we didn't want anything fancy anymore, we had enough of that at last year's prom and it just wasn't us. so we decided to be the first senior class to have a party instead. it was held in school though, but that didn't matter because the hall is huge anyway. tables circled the dancefloor. three bands played: one show band which totally sucked cos all they played were r&b tracks; the school faculty band (they're good, so we didn't mind them showing up. plus there's this really hot teacher who's a part of it.); and a band formed by my batchmates. ja (who very much looks the lead singer of this great local band imago), karla (who looks like this filipino actor piolo pascual), and my (former) classmates june and trish. i totally loved their performance because they're all rockers, and rock music they played. songs like 1979, name, linger, and local tunes from teeth, imago and eraserheads. at the beginning of their performance lots of people crowded the stage. simply because they were curious at how they would sound like. but only about ten of us actually remained in front of the stage throughout their performance. i don't think any of us cared because we like it when all the rockers come together and enjoy the songs.

after their thing onstage the showband came back on, and once again it was lousy as hell except for times they'd play dance tunes like that from modjo or madison avenue and groovy tunes like smooth or earth wind and fire songs. most of the time though i was outside the hall, talking to people, relieved to get out of the r&b infested room.

but yeah, it was all good. my good friend tin-tin gave me a ring made out of wire that spells my name, and this really touching letter. my other good friend dexter gave me an orange pencil :) we took loads and loads of pictures, i can't wait to have them developed tomorrow. or later i mean. i've consumed about two films the past two weeks, and that makes about sixty pictures! i have pictures from our folio launch, our graduation, and of course, tonight's party. i'll upload them soon.

and yeah, the oscars were one helluva ride. i didn't eat my lunch nor take a bath until about 3pm, when it finally ended. i think though that moulin rouge deserved more awards than it got. i think that the film is very inventive and stunning, and it deserves more appreciation. but then again i haven't seen a beautiful mind, (or the lord of the rings), so i can't say for sure if it truly deserved all the awards it got. i think that it was great to have four of the most important players in this year's oscars to be black--sydney poitier, whoopi goldberg, halley berry and denzel washington. the oscars truly proved something this year, and it officially crossed the barriers of what is white and what is black, bringing the two together. this year's oscars would be life changing for the african americans, for how they are treated in a caucasian's kingdom will truly be affected.

oh. and i loved the new york footage that was presented by woody allen. although i do think that the whole 9/11 thing has gotten to be a bit exaggerated and sensationalized.

2002-03-24T07:52:00.000-08:00

it was a bleak saturday afternoon. after weeks and weeks of all sun, it suddenly rained. of all the days. instead of having our graduation on the field, the traditional way, we had it in the school auditorium. it a really big hall, but not enough to fit everyone in. so while my dad watched inside, my sisters watched from outside through a big screen. we didn't feel like it was our graduation. it was only when the graduates nearing my name were going upstage that i actually began to feel it. then it was back to normal. but we felt all good afterwards, singing our graduation song. barely anybody cried, which was good. in fact we were all so rowdy througout the rites. all that we practiced for were good as gone. i could see one of our administrators hiding her face in shame as we screamed to every appropriate applause. the moment we were outside the hall people began to shout "sa stones lahat! (everyone to the stones!)". the stones is the seniors' territory in school :). everyone was jumping, screaming, hugging each other, taking every possible picture.

when all that was done we went for a family dinner. we went to this restaurant called cajun found in jupiter in makati. i found out earlier that in another restaurant on the same street about five or six of my batchmates celebrated there. midway through our dinner my mom (from singapore) made a long distance cellphone call. that made my night complete. :)

today i went to watch this art film in greenbelt, "perfume". i honestly didn't know what to expect from it. all i heard about it is that it's really good and it's got adlib by actors throughout the film. and adlib it all was. at the closing credits you see this little note that says " all lines in this film are improvised by the actors" or something to that effect. i think that is something very ingeneous, and i think it proves an actor's worth. i think that such movies would enable to enhance an actor's skills more simply because he or she gets to be more in control of his or her own character. and it sounds so much more realistic too. complete with interruptions, stammers and dead silence, which you don't see in ordinary movies unless it is intended.

i also liked the film because of the way it revolves around three or four different storylines, hardly connected with each other. the film is about the modeling industry, and it dwells around different issues. a fashion designer struggling to hit it big, a dying, narrow minded designer, a photograpaher juggling his work and his girlfriend, a magazine editor with a long-lost daughter, and minor plots in between. i like how all these don't fit together and how nothing really is made at the end of the film, just issues resolved but no moral lesson gained, defeating the purpose of most other movies.

i think this film is just for entertainment purposes, nothing very deep nor shallow. you don't really get to sympathize with the characters (unless the character's description suits you exactly) perhaps because of the many sub-plots that make you jump from one situation to another. it's pretty dizzying at first, but you end up getting used to it, although you usually end up wondering about the other situation when another one comes on.

2002-03-22T08:27:00.000-08:00

would you look at that! a fansign from my lovely cousin klassy!!! i'm having a blast chatting with her right now. i love klasy. i love radiohead too. and i love her fansign.

[click to enlarge]

2002-03-22T08:01:00.000-08:00

100 things about me.

idea taken from dyanna's blog.

1. i want a pet turtle.
2. i want a pet sheep too.
3. my table is always messy as hell, no matter how well i attempt to clean it.
4. i have a radio in my bathroom.
5. therefore i sing in the bathroom.
5. i tend to love bands who have disbanded, such as the smashing pumpkins, new radicals and the beatles.
6. i had a five-year obsession with boyzone. (who, coincidentally have also disbanded)
7. i have a very contradicting personality.
8. i want to learn to play the guitar.
9. i am scared of cats and rats.
10. i get nightmares about them.
11. i love reading trivia.
12. my favorite comic strips are the far side, calvin and hobbes, and beerkada.
13. i have never been a fan of the lord of the rings or harry potter.
14. i must be the only person on earth who hasn't watched the two movies.
15. i am afraid of shakira's dancing.
16. i am obsessed with personality tests.
17. i love the smell of old books. and of crayons.
18. i have nine huge puzzles of paintings.
19. i have a habit of randomly switching channels even if i am interested in the program i am watching.
20. i love answering crossword puzzles.
21. i have an unlimited number of books i want to read.
22. i have an unlimited number of cds i want to buy.
23. i can be very pessimistic. or very optimistic.
24. i don't think i give very good practical advice.
25. i love eating spicy food.
25. i have a doggie stuffed toy named sugar ray hootie.
26. i have this unfulfilled dream of learning how to paint.
27. i would like to have a complex camera so i can take simple pictures.
28. i am a pack rat.
29. i love strawberries.
30. i would like to work behind the scenes in a production.
31. i write poetry.
32. i don't think you are actually going through each item.
33. i would like to live in new york.
34. i have more than 25 pencils in my pencil case.
35. i think that i was once a part of beatlemania.
36. i also think that i was a part of the seventies.
37. i have grown to love the eighties.
38. i am a very fickle person.
39. i rarely ever go shopping for myself.
40. i am a narcoleptic insomniac. really. i told you i have a contradicting personality.
41. i use a wide variety of slangs.
42. i hate it when people try to cheer me up by making jokes or changing the topic whenever i'm down.
43. i pms by eating a lot, getting very cranky, but i never get cramps. ever.
44. i love the moon and sunrises.
45. i have my own philosophies about the pyramids, life after death and the creation of man.
46. i have a to-do notebook, a calendar, and a planner.
47. despite all that, i forget to do things.
48. i am one helluva procrastinator.
49. when i was a kid my mom never banned me from the simpsons.
50. i was once a fan of amy grant.
51. i have a very bad sense of smell.
52. i once made myself believe that i could see dead people.
53. it actually came true.
54. my dead grandfather once appeared to me in a dream.
55. i could go on listening to the new radicals for seven hours.
56. i tend to finish ten page papers (or more) in one night. (see related entry, number 48.)
57. i don't like capitalization.
58. i hate stereotypes.
59. i hate conformity.
60. for me, not being able to write is just like losing oneself.
61. people say i have a good sense of direction.
62. i would love to explore manila.
63. i like the smell of chlorine.
64. i have this habit of not being able to finish a book when i've reached the middle.
65. i am afraid of closing the light at night.
66. i can easily tell if someone is lying.
67. i do not easily believe people. i love to doubt.
68. my music teacher has proclaimed me a soprano. i am not very proud of this fact.
69. i can get very competitive.
70. i get inspired by the orange streetlamp outside our house.
71. i wish i had a netcam.
72. i have my own dogma.
73. i have an imaginary calendar planted in my head.
74. i love my jansport.
75. i have nine buttons and six key chains (and counting) on it.
76. i have ten boxes on my desk. and they're all full.
77. i have not found a bathroom better than my own.
78. i miss my bedroom the most during nights i do not sleep at home.
79. my back, legs, arms, always always always ache.
80. i love cracking them.
81. diabetes and arthritis run in the family, and i will most likely get (if not already have) the latter.
82. i hate receiving picture frames and angel figurines as gifts.
83. i give people gifts because i expect one in return.
84. i have callouse on my right middle finger and my two feet under my little toes.
85. i hate wearing skirts.
86. my jaw has been stuck open a few times already. it's scary as hell.
87. i hate mushrooms.
88. i love to speak in accents.
89. i have the best friends in the world.
90. my sisters and i are almost best friends. almost.
91. my yaya or nanny has lasted since my mom was three months pregnant with me.
92. i don't think i will ever own a car.
93. i would like freedom.
94. i want a cd writer.
95. i've learned to control my feelings.
96. i don't like starbucks.
97. i get deja vu almost everyday.
98. i am vegetarian every monday and thursday. and during full moons and other hindu occasions.
99. i am proud of my religion.
100. i am scared of other people's deaths more than i am scared of my own.

2002-03-22T00:22:00.000-08:00

made a few changes.

2002-03-21T21:58:00.000-08:00

friday five!!

1. What is your favorite time of year? over here we have tag-init (the warmer part of the year) and tag-lamig (cold), no four seasons. i think i like the december air best. when it's so cold in the morning and you just want to snuggle up cos the air smells so good.

2. What is it about your favorite season that, well, makes it your favorite season? see question above.

3. What is your least favorite time of year? se qustion above.

4. Do you do anything to celebrate or recognize the changing of seasons? i do a little dance on the streets. lol

5. What's your favorite thing to do outside? see question above.

nyaha. forgot to ask this:
what are you doing this weekend? graduating! haha

2002-03-21T06:13:00.000-08:00

days till graduation: 2!

this really great former teacher of mine once made me realize the distinction between last and last.

it could be forever, it could be end.

today was the last. last recess, last lunch, last time hanging out at the stones, last day, last time wearing our school uniform, last canteen meal, last chicken fillet, perhaps the last time we will see some people.

yet we made it last. we tried to.

nobody wanted to leave. nobody could stop the hugs, the laughter, the cries. after today things will never be the same again. the next time we see each other we will all be made up, ready to receive our diplomas and stand proud.

and then we will become graduates. no longer students, no longer classmates. just graduates. alumnae.

and the thought of that makes us scared. and that is why we held on to that moment. when, with the half moon staring silently through the leaves of the mango tree, we gave what may be our last goodbyes to each other.

and then it was over.

last, last. this is the last.

--

the week has been getting better. i was cranky and bitchy as hell monday and tuesday, making me think that i may be pms-ing (which is scary cos i will have to wear white on grad night). then yesterday, wednesday, things got better. at lunch all the seniors gathered on this empty part of the campus right next to our tambayan (or hangout). we formed this huge circle and this teacher of ours filmed each one of us. of course, overly non-camera shy people got out of hand and we all ended up racing for the opportunity to be in every frame. it was hilarious. there was a point when a bunch of us (myself included) fell into this huge clump. of course i just had to be underneath, consequently giving me a little bump on my ass.

after lunch we all headed for one of the school's assembly halls for song practice. our music teacher (who loves us like hell and whom we love just as equally), being the only teacher around for most of the afternoon, wasn't so strict with us and gave us about an hour or so to just relax. and how, you ask? people took turns making everyone laugh. people would perform their own stand-up show, showcase their non-talents, or simply do what they were known for doing.

later on, when the practice was over and done with all our teachers caame out, one by one to say a little something to our batch. it was pretty touching mostly, but other times we were just staring indifferently. when everyone was done they performed this little song for us, and it was just so good to see our teachers do a little something for us instead of the other way around.

of course a bunch of people began to cry, and i have to be honest. i began to cry when i saw my teacher ms. mendoza cry. i realized how much i was going to miss her. she taught me so much, she's been such a huge part of my life right now.

today she called a bunch of us during recess, all those who have been under her creative writing elective for two years now. she gave each of us a cd, containing songs for each one of us plus three more. here's her little song for me:

(this is how it looks in the cd cover)
for anjali. the way you've flown is fine.
rain song by sunny day real estate
all games they play undead and awake and returning within, you are a devil, they say and it's candy. how long i've known this seed burst and grown. you're the one that i love. you are the one that i trust and it's candy. when they speak of the open door and the way you've flown it's fine. when they show me the evidence and they're talking down your memory. nevermind the words they waste, they can't see you're mine. waiting here until words run out, dreaming of the day when you open your arms in the light of our love.

what a lovely song it is. this is the kind of song i'm really into these days, sort of like walking down the street and waving at the deli guy or to that florist down the street. the kind of songs played in gilmore girls or almost famours or the royal tenenbaums.

i'm really getting sentimental. ew. i'm sorry if this is all you've been reading about in my past few blogs. but i swear, two more days and i'll be back to my normal self.

2002-03-19T00:38:00.000-08:00

i am number 32 in the search request "cinderella porn movie 16"

never knew that posting this last night here would generate so many hits to my blog.

thank you for showing interest in cinderella porn movies.

2002-03-18T06:02:00.000-08:00

Your name of Anjali makes you easy-going and refined, but detracts from your physical vitality. You desire all the finer things in life--lovely clothes, home, furniture, and environment. However, procrastination is your worst enemy, and you find yourself lacking the ambition to make your dreams a reality. People are inclined to take advantage of your sympathetic, tractable nature. You naturally attract people with problems who seek your understanding and advice. You can give good advice although it is unlikely that you would follow it yourself. You would be most successful in situations where you can use your skills in diplomacy in handling people, but where you are not under pressure or required to carry responsibility and make decisions. It is difficult for you to be individual and make your own decisions, for you lack self-confidence. Your desire for sweet, rich foods could cause overweight, circulatory problems, or weakness in the kidneys.

find out the meaning of your name

totally.

2002-03-18T05:56:00.000-08:00

days till graduation: 5

what a fucky day i had. i got to school and realized i had left my school ID so i had to secure one from the office. then we spent the whole morning practicing the mass for graduation. the afternoon was worse. we spent all afternoon under the sun, practicing the graduation rites itself. the marching, the formation, the receiving of diplomas. somewhere in the middle of that the acedemic awards were announced. this includes the valedictorian, the third honor awardees, and those receiving with distinction awards. i thought i had made it to the latter. but i didn't. for a moment i was surprised cos so far i have been able to meet all the criteria. but later on i realized that to be eligible for it one cannot receive a grade lower than 80 in her final grade (which is an average of all four quarters). so i'm guessing that i did not make the 86 in my fourth quarter filipino grade which i was hoping for. that would have given me an 80, enough to receive a distinction. what frustrates me is that although i get grades lower than 80 in filipino, i am still able to receive the cutoff mark for the quarterly merit award.

bah. no use explaining. i'm stopping with that topic here. all in all i am disapoointed because i am graduating with no academic award, whereas both my sister graduated third honors. i feel real dumb.

later on just before it was my turn to go up the stage to receive my pretend diploma the pregnant woman in charge during the afternoon, who is also our discipline coordinator, scolded our batch. nobody was paying attention cos they were all getting restless. and so i just stood at the foot of the stage for about a minute or so, waiting for her to give the go signal for me to go up the stage, bow, get the diploma, yadda yadda yadda. then i exited at the wrong part of the stage. and what do you know? she completely embarrassed me in front of our whole batch. she was saying "yan ang hindi nakikinig. halatang hindi alam kung saan pupunta. ("now there's someone who hasn't been listening. it's obvious she doesn't know where to go.") she'd do this to anyone who would make a very stupid mistake (like what i did--apparently) but i felt more embarrassed because this was right after she scolded everyone for not listening. argh. god i'm really hating these practices.

melay rose and i have decided to dye our hair after graduation. my parents have allowed me, as long as it's a decent color. although i would like some rad color i think that i would tire of it soon so getting a more neutral color is safer. like brown streaks on my black hair or something. thing is melay and rose want theirs to be green and blue and the salon that can do that is charging a lot just for it. i found another salon that charges waaaay cheaper but according to rose they won't do radical colors. this totally sucks because i cannot afford the other salon cos i'm half-broke and i don't want to have to beg my dad for money for something i want to do. and it's no fun having my hair dyed separate from them. so now i have a goddamn dilemma. what do i do???

my little toes ache from having to wear high heeled shoes all day.

there's another reason why i'm pretty pissed off today, and i would rather not talk about it. so there. i need something to cheer me up.

does anybody have pringles?

2002-03-16T06:57:00.000-08:00

wow. i really have not been blogging. i went through some of my favorite blogs and i realized how much i can miss so much in five days. it's been a pretty busy week actually.

from monday to wednesday i had my finals. as in last high school tests ever. it was so great. right after our last test wednesday, which was economics, we literally jumped up, threw our questionnaires in the air and screamed like there was no tomorrow. it felt so good. we couldn't go home afterwards though, cos we had gala check. we have to wear our gala uniform for graduation, so we had to change to it to have it checked by the teachers. how apt it was to wear our gala uniforms right after the last test.

thursday was the start of grad practices, but before that they announced those who would be receiving awards (in other words, the over-achievers.). academic awards (like who's the valedictorian and all) aren't out yet, so the announced leadership awards, blah blah blah. as always, there is always that girl who sweeps most of the awards, andi thought it would be my good friend dexter. it wasn't. :( but dex still got a leadership award, which is really good. :)

friday was absolutely rad. we had our batch recollection, which was generally stupid to begin with, so it would be useless to talk about it. we found out that out of the 284 people in our batch, 6 people won't be marching, mostly due to their grades. what a sad thought. they weren't even allowed to attend the recollection.

in the evening we had our folio launch and poetry reading of the creative writing electives of the juniors and seniors, and the creative writers' guild (they're all handled by one person). light under water. by: author is the title of our book. i'm so damn happy that it's out. i honestly thought that at the rate we were going editing and laying out we would never be able to have a book published, but we pulled through with it. it was held in the quadrangle, a part of the school campus that is covered with pebbles and has a tree at the center of it. i have to say the atmosphere was awesome. thankfully people came but we did expect more. it got dark pretty soon and we had candles all over which made everything perfect. i played emcee for the most of the reading (because rose gave up hehe) and the audience was so supportive of all the performers. they made everything so much easier.

rose melay and i haad a group performance. we all wore black shirts that came from this one store, anonymous. we didn't plan it, i swear. thank god we all had different designs. :p so anyway we didn't push through with the don gato tape or the whiskers like we planned, and we didn't wear funny outfits either (although i was supposed to go retro--a 70s shirt, flares, keds, retro shades courtesy of my dad, and this really groovy scarf i borrowed from this girl nyra whose mom used to wear it during those days. but i had no time to change so i stuck to that anonymous shirt). we were supposed to recite an impromptu poem that rhymed but instead we all said something about our batch (who made up most of the audience. i love them.). after that we each recited one of our poems published in the folio. i performed this:

nicotine patch

twenty nights have given me sadness
disasters charmed rumpled cigars
tobacco killed myself

but holy coffee has been kind to me
many a cup have warned my tongue to
resist this brain kill

and talk of dreams

expensive heart of origami
opens secrets under black reels of lights

tonight, i'm under a circle sky of

magic madness

words swoop about
and i'm under light water

delightedly crazy.

it's from a magnetic words exercise. (note the similarity between the second to the last line and the folio title. completely unintentional.)

after our performance the seniors had a little surprise for our teacher, ms. mendoza. she was already suspecting a surprise, because she caught us planning for it the day before, but hell she was still surprised at the end. we thought of all sorts of things that would define her and gave her a symbol for each. she loved it. when everything was over, while we were cleaning up i saw her sit on her husband's lap and tell him "they're so sweet. i'm never going to get students like them again." if she wasn't sitting on her hubby's lap i would have gone right up to her to hug her. she's so awesome. and it's true what she says, she will not get students like us again. not just because our batch is one hard to forget (we made history by having the most "firsts" in the worst list category of the high school), but because i always hear ms. mendoza tell me about the juniors she currently handles. she rants like anything and she worries a lot for their incapabilities to er, write. 'nuff said.

i got home and i just could not believe that i was holding another folio with my name on it. my first folio was last year's "monday", which was spearheaded by the elective three because at that time there was no elective four. and now, "light under water. by:author" which is once again spearheaded by the elevctive four, mostly composed of the same people from last year. i love the two books so much. there's nothing better than to see your name in print. it's different with a newspaper, because it usually ends up being the wrapper for fish, but a book. a book is something treasured. nobody can ever have the heart to throw a book. give it away, maybe, but it is always there. that is why i love these folios. because it shows all the hard work we went through over the year. it's a beutiful aftermath.

2002-03-10T10:56:00.000-08:00

days till graduation: 12!

let me enjoy my little moment of glory. i'm linked in the reader's top 5 in the weblog review! woohoo!
ok. that's about it. now to get back to studying...

wait. this and this have been obsessing me.

2002-03-08T19:13:00.000-08:00

days till graduation: 14

i wrote this yesterday but blogger was down. argh.

days till graduation: 15

this afternoon i was with my class, having our last (ever) subject. religion class, and it was no better time than to have a prayer service. i realized how close we have come to be. each one shared their moments with the class and i never realized how memorable things could get. there were jokes which were shared before that i have forgotten but still remain vivid in someone else's head. i had so much fun with my class. i think the best part about is knowing it is our last year in high school and because of that everyone makes an effort to get to know each other a little more. we'll be going our own ways soon, and i'm scared that i may never see or hear from some of them again. then everything that we've been through will be a blur, vague and distant.

today i saw teachers cry for us for the first time, because they got so attached to our batch, because they don't want us to leave them.

today some people realized they finally had a school to go to, the results of the ust exam came out and that spurred elation for some, the feeling of being hopeless for others.

today i had my last meeting with the club. i had been waiting for this day for the longest time. i couldn't wait to get out of the shoes of being president. but as i entered the meeting for the last time i realized that i wasn't feeling excited. i was feeling relief. that i had done it. i pulled through ten months of being club president, carrying that thick orange clearbook filled with their crappy works i had to edit, crying over their apathy towards the club. i did it. they forced me to say something like final words or whatever but i couldn't say what i truly felt. just cos i didn't want to sound boastful.

today was our last regular school day. for the next three days we will be having finals, and after that graduation practices until the 23rd comes. and everything will be made official.

right now our batch's worst enemy is time.

and here's my friday five: (for once done on a friday)

1. What makes you homesick?
my bed, my bathroom. no other like it.

2. Where is "home" for you?
my room. and just so i can pretend to be nostalgic about it, my school. cos i've been there ten years of my life.

3. What makes it home for you?
school--my friends. room--just the fact that evrything is there.

4. Where is the furthest you've been from home, miles-wise?
excuse my ignorance, but i don't know which is farther--hong kong or taiwan? either of that.

5. What are your plans for this weekend?
STUDY. finals are up.

2002-03-05T10:17:00.000-08:00

days till graduation: 17!

i love the beatles. i miss them.
i remember hating boyz II men when i was nine years old because i found out they remade "yesterday" by the beatles. that used to be my favorite song.
then it became penny lane. i remember always overlooking "strawberry fields" in my anthology collection because it came right before penny lane. i would get excited, impatient, because the strawberry fields song was too long. then one day it became one of my favorite beatles songs. now look:

What Beatles' song are you?

You are the song "Strawberry Fields Forever." A song written about a house near where John grew up, you sound very drug inspired. Lines in you also suggest this. But really, who cares? You're an awesome song anyway. You have an a really great introduction that Paul shows us how it was played in one of the Anthology videos. And just because some crazy lady sang you at the Come Together concert for John doesn't mean that you are not good. It's just that lady's version of you sucks. Haha. You rock.

Tell everyone that you are Strawberry Fields Forever by copying the code in the box.

Strawberry Fields Forever
(Lennon/McCartney)
Let me take you down
cause I'm going to strawberry fields
Nothing is real
and nothing to get hung about
Strawberry fields forever

Living is easy with eyes closed
Misunderstanding all you see
It's getting hard to be someone
but it all works out
It doesn't matter much to me

Let me take you down
cause I'm going to strawberry fields
Nothing is real
and nothing to get hung about
Strawberry fields forever

No one I think is in my tree
I mean it must be high or low
That is you can't, you know, tune in
but it's all right
That is I think it's not too bad

Let me take you down
cause I'm going to strawberry fields
Nothing is real
and nothing to get hung about
Strawberry fields forever

Always know sometimes think it's me
But you know I know when it's a dream
I think I know I mean, ah yes
but it's all wrong
that is I think I disagree

Let me take you down
cause I'm going to strawberry fields
Nothing is real
and nothing to get hung about
Strawberry fields forever
Strawberry fields forever
strawberry fields forever

ever since, up until now, i always believed i lived high in the sixties. i believe i was once a fan of the beatles, one of those who would faint in the amphitheater, or one of those journalists who got their once in a lifetime opportunity to interview their favorite band, the beatles.

What time period are you a Beatle from?

You are a Beatle from the prime of Beatlemania - tons of screaming girls and boys everywhere, sold out stadium concerts, press conferences... who would have thunk?

i remain an ever loyal beatles fan. i always will. i was never one of those during beatlemania, hell i wasn't even born yet when john lennon was assasinated in 1980, but they remain special to me. they were my obsession during my pre-teen years. i loved paul mccartney like hell. i would imitate the way he sang, wobbling his head to and fro. in fact, when i attempt to play the guitar, i use my left hand, although i'm a rightie, just because i got used to holding guitars that way from imitating paul. sometimes i wish they were immortal. that i could still see them, performing, still in their twenties, with the mop-dos and matching attires. before they got high on drugs and proclaimed themselves more popular than jesus himself. before demented people attempted (and successfully) assasinated them, before all else.

2002-03-05T03:27:00.000-08:00

days till graduation: 18!

received my graduation pictures yesterday. that has basically been the talk of the town these past two days (everyone's pictures, not my own.) in between the prjects and tests all we've been doing is trade pictures with our short letters at the back. they're all so cliche..."take care...don't forget me...i won't forget you...good luck with life...god bless..." i wish people would just come up with more personal letters, not just with the same old shit. something that will stand out, something memorable.

today rose melay and i ended up laughing our asses off in our creative writing elective class today. we broke into groups to discuss the launching of our folio (march 15. can't wait!) but the three of us ended up talking about what we were going to perform during the poetry reading on that day. we will be doing a group performance, and we will be wearing silly clothes. we'll have whiskers on our cheeks because our background music will be "don gato", this mexican (?) song that is about a cat who dies. an irony for me, because i'm so scared of cats. we don't have a particular piece in mind, we'll be composing a poem (complete with rhyme hehe) impromptu. we're zany, i know.

the three of us will also be dyeing our hair day after graduation. a symbolic ceremony of finally leaving our school (we're not allowed to dye our hair). either that, i thought, or we could moon the school walls. hehe. when i asked my dad last week if i could dye my hair, he asked, obviously, "why?" and i said, "because we're graduating." "what color?" "i don't know, i haven't decided." then he looked at me half strangely, half blankly, and said "ok."

so there. haha. i will dye my hair. i hope he doesn't think i'm joking. i'm thinking maybe orange or blue. what do you think?

two days after graduation, or the day after we dye our hair will be our batch party. can't wait to see the people's reactions.

this might go apt with today's blog.

What is YOUR Highschool label?

2002-03-03T08:48:00.000-08:00

days till graduation: 19!

talked to klassy in the evening (thanks for pointing out to me that once again my gbook link is broken). i promised her to do her eulogy (it's for a school project. don't get the wrong idea), and i can't wait to start on it. :) we caught up with each other a bit, i think that hearing her stories is always way better than reading about them on the net. she's my cousin, afterall, and though we don't get to see each other very often, it's always good to have the good ol' conversation instead of using the internet as a means of catching up with each other's lives.

so anyway, she told me about college. i've heard the same stories before--from my sisters mostly, about how you never really find friends in college. a lot of times you just have the "convenient friends", people you hang out with during your breaks, eat with during lunch, and make sure you have the same schedules just so you don't end up becoming a loner in class. high school friends are always the best. i have to agree on that. in those four years that you are together, you experience so much. from the awkward stages of pre-adolesence you go through so much together.

i thought about my own friends. one by one, they all seem to be leaving. last year two of my kabarkadas (a local term for the friends you hang out with everyday) left--one now has a baby and is studying in the states, the other is in australia, studying (hey kai! miss you. how are the surfer dudes? ingat ka, ha!). soon my other kabarkada dexter will also be leaving for australia as well. my best friend rose will be going up to baguio to study college. although from all those who have left/are leaving rose is still the closest in terms of location, i think her leaving will be the hardest for me to go through. we've been best friends for seven years now, and for the past two years she and i have been having a Sunday Night Ritual. it became a habit for us to call each other every sunday night, after watching will and grace. we'd do homework together, study, share secrets, laugh, talk. our snr completes our weekend.

when rose told me about studying in baguio the first thing that came to mind was our snr. i wondered how we'd survive without it. talking long distance is surely expensive, and though we came to an agreement that we'd chat instead, i wasn't satisfied. like i said earlier, it felt so much better to hear klassy's stories rather than read about them, and i know i will feel the same way about rose. i'm going to miss her.

2002-03-02T09:37:00.000-08:00

days till graduation: 20!

from now on i will be doing a countdown till i get out of the clutches of our crappy administration. nyahaha.

my friday five is beginning to be a saturday friday five.

1. What's your favorite vacation spot?
boracay. i love the smell of the beach.

2. Where do you consider to be the biggest hell-hole on earth?
manila, of course. the traffic, the pollution, the noise, the heat... i could go on and on. but i love it here anyways.

3. What would be your dream vacation?
a trip to new york. or maybe a trip to palawan or boracay with my friends.

4. If you could go on a road-trip with anyone, who would it be and why?
hm. interesting. i would have to say either my best friend or some stranger.

5. What are your plans for this weekend?
sleep, study, stay up studying, then go to school knowing i didn't do anything all weekend.

yesterday (or should i say friday?) we had our graduation song competition. i took part in writing the song, and it turned out crappy just because it was cliche and sentimental, as how all other grad songs are supposed to sound like. all the sections came up with considerably good grad songs. we didn't win, the honors' class did. i honestly didn't care who won, as long as it wasn't the honors' class. i did like their grad song, but the fact that they have been together for four years straight now in the same class while the rest of us were able to meet new people somehow bothered me. i don't think they really know the rest of us, and we don't really know them. i wanted the winner to come from the ordinary classes, because these classes know the closeness the seniors have with one another, and they were able to incorporate this closeness into their own songs. but, as always, the honors' class beat everyone else.

was supposed to meet up with a bunch of my friends in the afternoon to watch this movie called the mothman prophecies (i haven't heard much about it but people say it's good) but it was cancelled. :( i still went to the mall anyway, in the hopes of finding some things for my physics project (we have to construct a toy with a physics concept in it. eew. any suggestions?). i swear i hate going to the mall alone. usuallyi just follow whoever i'm with and let them lead the way. but when i'm all by myself i find that i just end up wandering aimlessly. i cannot sit down to rest because i don't feel comfortable sitting down alone. same goes with eating alone. and so today i went, my stomach growling more and more as i'd pass every restaurant and food stall, hopelessly searching for a less than four inch doll to add to the soon-to-be dollhouse.

i passed by tower records and what do you know? this singer named larusso was there, signing autographs. there wasn't even a line, people would just come up to her with a piece of paper or her postcard in hand, asking for autographs for the sake of it. when nobody was there to approach her larusso would act all cool, tapping her pentel pen, chatting with her publicist/agent/manager/whatever. later on, as i was looking through cheese's new album pilipinas, i found that i had the perfect view of larusso as she stood up for what they called a "photo shoot" with the tower records staff. first they did some solo shots of herself, and she posed these model poses in front of a rack full of her cds with this banner that read larusso live in manila. i could only laugh. i left before anybody i know saw me. i couldn't take the larusso music in the background anymore. as i left the store all i could think about was 'strike two'. (the first 'strike' being the lighthouse family incident at another mall recently.)

at school today i saw my friend, fellow rocker and lover of sappy and angst-filled rock songs june. she ran up to me screaming that she touched cynthia alexander's hand. 'welcome to the club', i said. i was so happy. finally i had someone (aside from klassy--who has a new janeane garofalo. check it out!--and riese) who could empathize with my fetish for cynthia's hands. we shared stories. for the nth time i told mine and then she told hers. cynthia cynthia cynthia. i worship this deity.

2002-02-24T08:58:00.000-08:00

i have dreadlocks!

went blog-hopping today. from my blog i followed the links:

lala girl
how life might be (if i was absolute ruler)
eclectica
kelp_pouch
the rock pool

i stopped here because i forgot i was only blog-hopping. i loved the site. not only because her layout is orange and she is a smashing pumpkins fan, but because she is a terrific writer. i notice that the blogs i love the most tend to belong to such talented writers.

A full page of writing. Too many things said. Not enough that has meaning.
A paragraph. The first sentence says it all. The others are just explanatory justifications.
A single line. Deep and meaningful or universally unimportant?
One word. Ambiguous.
A blank page. So many things that could be said. So many things that won't be. So many things that never will be.

so i read her page.

2002-02-23T06:30:00.000-08:00

i have so many things to blog about.

everyday is a friday.

1. Hey, baby, what's your sign? Do you think it fits you pretty well? i'm an aquarius...yes, it does!

2. What's the worst birthday gift you've ever received? i've loved them all.

3. What's the best birthday gift you've ever received? my stuffed toy dog Sugar Ray Hootie. i love him. and the gifts my friends gave me for my birthday this year

4. What's the best way you've celebrated your birthday thus far? because i am still hung over from my birthday last week, i'd say my 16th birthday. i didn't throw a party or anything, but i did have my friends around me all day, got great gifts, and heard this really hot male teacher sing. mmm. :)

5. What are your plans for this weekend? do some homework. ack. i hate senior year.

gad. the week has flown by so quickly. it's surreal. my friends and i have been counting--17 more school days till graduation practice begins. unbelievable. suddenly everybody has been staring at their calendars and planners and filling out empty spaces, leaving no date out. we've got projects due all over, long tests scattered, not to mention meetings and events going on in between. i barely have time for myself anymore. when i get home all i really want to do is sleep.

coffee seems to be the only thing that sustains me right now.

last night my classmate june and i were on the phone more than two hours composing our graduation song. a little background to it: every year a contest is given, and each class is supposed to produce a grad song. the winning piece after it has been performed will be chosen to be sung on graduation day. what a fun thing to do, create a song for our rebellious, delinquent batch, right? wrong. the judges want something that "other batches can relate to". which totally does not make sense. isn't it the purpose of a grad song to have a song that would define the uniqueness of a batch? we wanted something alternative, something subliminaal, but us radicals have no choice but to adhere to our crappy administration. and so june and i wrote a song that is sentimental, cliche, speaks lies about what we feel for the school, with no metaphors (apparently they want the song "straight to the point"), and with redundant lines that have been said in past grad songs. sucky. i know.

i'm crossing my fingers that we win though.

(i'm having a deja vu moment right now as i watch bon jovi's 'blaze of glory')

i watched a play of the ramayana at school today, taken part by high school students, mostly from my batch. (fyi. ramayana is an Indian epic) i was very interested on how they managed to create a one and a half hour play on a very complex story. of course also because i am an indian myself and i was very curious as to how they would portray a story i have known for eleven years. i honestly found certain parts of the play quite insulting to my religion. i know the story in and out, know its every symbolism, so to see a twisted portrayal of a particular character was pretty disheartening. but all in all, for a high school play, i think that the performance was very grand. i have to take my hat off to them for being able to find authentic indian music, both finding and improvising indian costumes, and doing their very best. minus the portrayal of certain scenes and characters, i really enjoyed the play.

after class yesterday i spent a good two hours talking to my friend melay. we were best friends before--melay, rose, and myself--in third grade. melay and i have sort of drifted, although she's still pretty close to rose. melay and i have so many bizaare similarities. aside from rose and myself she is the only other big smashing pumpkins fan i know. she loves the color orange (like me, obviously), the new radicals. we both wear our bags on our left shoulders going to the right, and we love 'almost famous' so much we just want to be a part of that whole setting. i could never describe her without saying that she writes like a goddess (she managed to write their grad song that could also double as a song about drugs). melay, i think, would be the person i would most like to be. she goes to at least one concert a week, stays as late as she wants to, and has the time of her life making friends with local rock gods. for two hours yesterday she told me about this bassist of this pretty big rock group in the local scene, and how they have gotten to be good friends. that is exactly the kind of life i want to live. if i could be someone for one day, it would be melay, minus her problems and constant self-mutilation.

i got my report card the other day. our school grades on the basis of 100 being the highest grade, 75 as the cut-off before actually failing a subject. nobody ever gets a perfect grade on a subject, but june and i managed to get one in speech class for being in the debate finals and being a part of the mythical 8. i got some pretty good grades, i went up eight points in physics, a 91 in algebra, 96 in literature. but, of course, what had to ruin my card was a 77 in filipino class. that completely ruins my chances (once again) of getting a merit card (like an honors card) to be able to get a merit i cannot have a grade lower than 80, and my gpa has to be 3.0 and above. though i had already lost my chance, i still computed for my gpa, and what do you know? i got a 3.15! which is pretty good, if you're part of the ordinary class and not the honors' class. damn. i need serious help in filipino. i can *somehow* understand the required filipino reading, the novel "mga ibong mandaragit" (a literal translation is "the grabbing birds". wahahahahaha), but when the test comes i cannot seem to understand the questions. the words are just way too deep so most times i end up guessing and playing connect the dots on my answer seet.

both my mother and filipino teacher share the same insight though: they both have told me, "you're not going to need what you're learning right now in filipino in the future."

thank you, mom and ms. nunag, for saying that.

2002-02-18T09:03:00.000-08:00

i feel stupid. i am editing and i find that i have to look to the dictionary to find the difference between 'drip' and 'drop', 'perspective' and 'percetion'. i edit the poems and some poems are better than mine and i wonder what gives me the right to edit these works? i do not deserve this. a writer who has not written prolifically the past four months and whose talent is waning due to lack of practice, whose vocabulary is draining, and whose only motive to edit is to receive the recognition she so wrongly deserves yet wants.

2002-02-17T21:57:00.000-08:00

i just finished watching the movie "angela's ashes", based on the book with the same name by frank mccourt. the book would probably be the first thing that would come to my mind when asked what my favorite book is. i like books that are compelling in an honest sort of way, and the fact that this is a memoir is a plus factor. what is so gripping about this book is knowing that this is based on a true story, what is written in the book is not a mere exaggerated fabrication of the mind but one that has actually happened. i've read the book twice, and each time it has never failed to make me cry. this may just be the reason why i wanted to see the movie so badly. my sister had seen it, and warned me that it was a big disappointment, but i wanted to see for myself. and what do you know? it was quite a disappointment. many of the more interesting scenes were cut, and somehow the whole movie did not affect me. if i hadn't read the book i don't think i would have even understood the movie. this is one book i am very proud to say i read before actually watching the adaptation.

was talking to my mom yesterday on long distance about college. i guess i'm lucky to have passed two universities while many of my batchmates still have not been accepted anywhere and are very worried because it's a month away from graduation. i want to go to ateneo so badly. actually, i don't think la salle is such a bad school it has standards equal to ateneo, if not better. it was while talking to my mom that i realized why i want to go to ateneo. i don't want to go to la salle because my sisters did--meaning i know practically everything that goes on in la salle. i want a newer environment. my pre-school is right across the school i'm in now, where i spent my elementary and high school days, and la salle is just two blocks away. i've been confined to this area for fourteen years of my life. i want some place new, and ateneo is it. i can see myself more as an atenean then a la sallian. even people i have spoken to have told me i am more fit for ateneo. but, again, the distance is, and will always be the problem. my dad will not allow me to dorm, and will not allow me to commute until the mrt or subway has been fully constructed. so i am stuck in la salle. i would have accepted this by now if not for the people around me, who give me this certain look that says, "but ateneo is so much better! you're one of the few people in our batch who actually passed ateneo! you should go there instead." and i feel bad all over again. my mom tried to talk to my dad yesterday about it but my dad just won't give in. i try to keep my hopes up but he's pretty stubborn. when i showed him my acceptance letters for both colleges he did not take one look at the ateneo letter. i guess that's proof enough that it's out of his mind. :(

2002-02-15T16:04:00.000-08:00

happy belated birthday to me!!! i had such a great birthday yesterday. was supposed to blog about it last night together with my friday five but my sister took too long surfing the net i had nothing else to do but fall asleep. so here's my frriday five:

1. What was the first thing you ever cooked? omelette? or scrambled eggs. don't remember.

2. What's your signature dish? instant yaki soba! hehe. i think it's called the monte cristo sandwich, which i haven't made in a long time that i've forgotten the recipe. i just remember ham, salami, mayo in a sandwich coated with egg then fried. sort of like french toast.

3. Ever had a cooking disaster? yes. my sister, during our christmas break, would go on this cooking spree where she would cook both lunch and dinner and literally order me to help. once we were cooking chicken terriyaki and she put me "in charge" of cooking the sauce. the recipe said to put i think a cup of sugar. i ended up putting a cup of salt! i had to replace the taste of salt by adding sugar. i must've put about 3 cups of sugar before i finally got the taste right. everyone was on sugar high afterwards.

4. If skill and money were no object, what would make for your dream meal? i don't really have a dream meal. maybe for someone to be able to cook authentic singapore meals that taste like they're straight from the hawker centers. or have a lot of (expensive looking) pastries set before my eyes. no chocolates please!

5. What are you doing this weekend? i wanted to do something for my birthday with my friends but it turns out that they all have their own things to do so i'm basically left with my sisters. we might be going to the mall or something.

in the morning i received a text message from this girl i hadn't heard in months! the last time we talked to each other must've been in feb last year, just before our prom. the last time we'd seen each other must've been even later. we used to be really close friends in like 4th or 5th grade but she switched high schools. her text message went something like "i know i always mix up your birthday, but whether your birthday is today or tomorrow, i hope you have a happy one." the sun hadn't even risen and i was already so happy. we got to go to school in casual attire, not in our school uniform. i joked everyone i'd be going in my birthday suit. somehow only a few people actually got the joke.

in school, i went up to my physics teacher (don't be scared by the mere mention of physics. she's a cool teacher.) and she said, "anj! i have something to tell you! oh yeah, happy birthday. carlo ledesma's sister will be at the fair! i wanna introduce you to her!" i was so happy. but i didn't really keep my hopes up, cos i didn't really want to be introduced (i joked my teacher, "so how are you gonna introduce me? as the girl who has pictures of her brother stuck to her folder?").

my best friend, rose came up to me with a guitar, sat me down, and began to strum. for a moment i thought she was going to play "happy birthday" but it turns out it was building a mystery by sarah maclachlan. that seemed enough to be a birthday gift. then she said that half of my gift hasn't been "picked up" yet. turns out that my friends got me a gift certificate to a massage parlor. that was ultra cool. they all know about my very very weak bones, no thanks to my dad's side of my family, where almost all of them have arthritis. then rose said that the the other half of my gift was up in the classrooms. the only thing that went through my mind was, "there's more?!"

so we went to one of the classrooms and saw my kabarkada, dexter and tin-tin. i opened my gift, which they hinted was connected to the massage parlor. they gave me a back massager and a bottle of massage oil from body shop. they were so sweet. i love the gifts. my day was getting better and better.

in the afternoon we watched a variety show set by the teachers. basically just a bunch of song and dance numbers that would last a whole hour and a half. although dex, tin and i didn't really get good seats, we could not help but laugh at teachers who made fools out of themselves; cheer for those we love (ahem) and watch in awe at those with hidden talents. the show was wonderful. we got to see the fun side of the teachers. they had put so much time and effort, staying till the evening just to practice, getting "pulled out" of their classes, just to make something as great as this. we left the hall, voices hoarse and with splitting headaces from the fun we had during those one and a half hours.

after that nothing really happened until nighttime, when my mom (from singapore) called my cellphone to wish me a happy birthday. then i got to talk to my aunt, whom i hadn't spoken to in months, then finally my grandmother. i miss them. :( my mom is thinking of bringing us over there for the summer, so that should be good.

although my dad once again thought my birthday's on the 16th or 17th, and my other grandmother forgot it was my birthday so i didn't receive any money from her, and i didn't get to see carlo ledesma's sister, the day already seemed perfect.

i'm 16. :)

2002-02-13T09:58:00.000-08:00

just came home about a half hour ago from sanctum in intramuros. visited the place two weeks ago and decided to come back for the third time tonight because of a poetry reading that was held. at first we thought that the writers would all be singaporean and since my sister recognized some writers to be quite famous in s'pore, we opted to go. so there i was, with my sister and my dad. we arrived about forty minutes after the scheduled time, and found that there were hardly anybody there. gradually, people started to arrive, and a jazz band began to play. they actually played for almost two hours! by then it was almost midnight and we were so exasperated because we came to see the poets, not the musicians. i'm not much of a jazz fan--too much of it is sickening. their music actually reminded me of sounds from 'the offbeats' in nickelodeon and background music in independent cartoons.

by midnight there was finally silence from the part of the musicians. the host came up and introduced the poets, most of whom were filipino. of the eight mentioned only one of them was singaporean. the host also mentioned that they'd only be reading one poem each so it'll take about twenty minutes for the poetry reading. i had actually waited two and a half hours for a twenty minute show! to make it worse my narcoleptic dad kept dozing off on the couch that i had to keep nudging him the moment his head would begin to droop. it was so embarassing, i swear to god. especially since one of the owners (whom my sister and i had gotten to be "chums" with) would pass us and say "your dad must be tired..." humiliation at its worst.

in a way i was happy i got to go tonight because i barely ever go to a poetry reading in which i am just a mere spectator, not having to feel pressured enough to go up to the mike and read some crappy poem. in fact i don't think i've ever gone to a poetry reading as a spectator. on the other hand, i was pretty disappointed because i expected more out of this thing we went to. i expected more readers, less jazz music, more people, better poems, my dad not snoring, us getting to mingle with the writers, and all. oh well. maybe next time.

just in case you're wondering, i do not celebrate valentine's day. i am not a romantic, i do not have a boyfriend and i hate cliches. there. most of the time i am so caught up with the arrival of my birthday that i forget it's valentine's. i'm turning 16 tomorrow! hooray! :)

i was watching uNtv this afternoon. it's basically just NU 107 (the local rock radio station) on TV. i saw a live version of cynthia alexander's motorbykle and i did not realize that my former teacher ms guevarra dances for cynthia! ms guevarra is this non-conformist, no holds barred kind of a person that the very conservative high school administration just had to kick her out as a teacher. she know teaches in the college department, so i still see her quite often. i always knew she dances for grace nono (almost an exact version of cynthia's music) but it was only today that i found out about cynthia alexander. isn't that cool? i'm two degrees away from the rock goddess herself (whom, by the way, i had met two months ago)! :)

2002-02-10T20:12:00.000-08:00

i've been gone for quite a while now. you may have noticed it.

over the weekend the whole senior class went to pampanga, this province that's almost two hours away from manila. we had what we're supposed to call see-p, or senior's enrichment (something. i don't know what the other 'e' stands for) in pampanga. i'm not very sure of the whole objective and rationale for this trip. all i really know is that when my sisters were in senior year they got to go to this real military camp and got to pretend to be soldiers in training. they got to have horses trample their tents, see soldiers march at 3am, all that cool shit. but, as the years passed, school rules got stricter and money got tighter, we ended up having ours in our sister school in pampanga. damn. it wasn't really all that fun. the little hilarious stories were there, like how we attempted to roast hotdogs over the huge bonfire or how a bunch of people saw and heard two cats having sex (for god's sakes--ew!--ugh. don't even want to think about it) or how, two hours after we reached the place, everybody had visible tan lines on their arms from the scorching heat of the sun. but overall, the see-p was almost a total waste. who would want to go spend time with annoying batchmates and irritable teachers for thirty hours, not be able to take a bath, sleep in a tent while the rain pours over your rubber shoes, and have to go on a scavenger hunt just to perform academic tasks?

i certainly didn't.

you should have seen us in the rocky busride home. total silence with faint snickers and whispers here and there. we were all stinky, sticky, dirty, sunburnt and tired.

to top it all off, i had this huge bite somewhere in between my hips and my butt that swelled three inches high and wide. and, my jacket was left lying on the school field in pampanga because a couple of teachers saw it and did not bother to pick it up and put it over by the lost and found.

so how was your weekend?

changing the topic...

the night before the see-p was a concert of p.o.d. here in manila. i wanted to go--badly. not because i'm a huge fan of p.o.d., but because it is very rare that foreign rock bands come here for a concert. the last time, i think, was supposed to be a good charlotte gig but was cancelled because of the september 11 thing. most other times the only visitors are obscure boy bands and has-been romantic crooners like david pomeranz and stephen bishop (both of whom, i've noticed, have made the philippines their second homes). other times, "big names" come and go, say like m2m or westlife, most times a1, but hell who'd want to watch them?

so anyway, before i begin to go on and on about lousy bubble gum pop, let me go back to my main story. the day of the concert, friday, my friend told me she had an extra ticket to the concert, and she was looking for someone to go with. i was frantic. but then, i remembered that there was no chance (once again) of my dad allowing me because i would have to wake up at 4:00 am the next day for the fucking see-p. so there. for the nth time i missed my chance to go to a really funky concert.

time to eat my lunch. asparagus. ick.

You have the tendency to get a little depressed, but you use your music to get through the tough times, just like Fiona Apple. Her lyrics touch upon the gloomiest moments in life, and her deep (and often imperfect) voice is raw to the bone. She's as raw as it gets, but has the goods to back it up. You're the same exact way. You lend your whole self to the music, and others are often in awe of your passion. Anything less would be criminal.

You're Uncle Fester!

Take The Addams Family Test Here!

2002-02-10T07:37:00.000-08:00

i was reviewed! The Weblog Review gave me a 4.5! and yes, i know about the layout. it is for mere self-satisfaction until i get my website up :)

2002-02-03T08:17:00.000-08:00

no wonder my guestbook has been dead lately. just found out the link was screwing up. argh. so here you go. please me.

2002-02-03T08:07:00.000-08:00

was supposed to blog friday night but i fell asleep after i turned on my computer. was supposed to blog last night but i fell asleep on my bean bag. so here goes.

this friday one's boring.

1. Have you ever had braces? Any other teeth trauma?
nope. except for gingivitis, if that counts.

2. Ever broken any bones?
never. i do like cracking them though!

3. Ever had stitches?
no

4. What are the stories behind some of your [physical] scars?
i have lots of stubbles on my legs because of shaving... i have a wrinkled thingee on my knee that i have had when i was a kid for i don't know what reason. behind my ear i have a little scar that feels like two or three pimples put together. i have had it there for years. that's it i guess.

5. How do you plan to spend your weekend? hopefully do nothing. but i'll be getting a new pair of rubber shoes and smashing pumpkins' rotten apples, FINALLY.

friday we had this alternative class day at school. it's like a chance for people to try out one or two clubs for a whole day. i didn't get a chance to try out other clubs. as president of my club (the creative writers' guild, or cwg, or guild, whatever.), i had to stay with them. but it was all good. i was supposed to help our moderator facilitate, but i ended up being a part of the class. maybe because i felt that it was helpful for me to take up basic poetry all over again. although i had done almost all of the writing activities our moderator gave and i already had the handouts she gave out and i knew almost all of her examples by heart, i still somehow found it enriching. we had three writing exercises, and we had to make a poem that contained phrases from each of the writing exercises. using the following: used but sharpened mongol pencils; wake the soul into full experience; i am alone, amidst the raindrops, amidst the echoed noises at the almost empty Stones, amidst the smell of warm cheese, i wrote this:

the last day of therapy

today i am refreshed
i am starting to feel once again
they begin to pour out
like used but sharpened mongol pencils
spilling words onto the blank paper
my soul has awakened to the sound of full experience
like the fetus that has awakened
my soul is alone.
i am alone amidst the raindrops, amidst the echoed noises
of the almost empty Stones,
amidst the smell of warm cheese

i am alone
i am one
my soul is one

i have won.

and just like that i felt as though my writer's block was gone. this isn't one of my best works, but it's obviously better than almost all of the poems i have been trying to write the past four months. it was so fulfilling. the best part is that writing this poem came out so easily. i didn't have to think of what to write. and just like that, i had constructed a poem. i felt so light afterwards.

that afternoon the class went to Intramuros (or old-Manila. it's this "walled city" where everything is still predominantly Spanish. untouched for a hundred years.) to a place called Sanctum. my elective class visited that place a few months back, so it was nothing new to me. on certain nights poetry readings are held. the place is like a writer's haven. it is owned by two very nice lesbian lovers and i love the way they decorated the place. there are couches, stools, bean bags all over facing a little area with a microphone. there are magazines, books, game boards, pictures, artworks spread all over the place. from the outside Sanctum looks like this underground dungeon. it has an arched door that welcomes you down to the place. the walls are bricks and it is dark even in daytime.

and speaking of daytime. since the sun was still up the place belonged to us. we had a poetry slam, where everyone reads but judges decide the best one. unfortunately, i couldn't really enjoy the poems that were read because i played host, introducing all the writers. i had to run around the place asking people how they would like to be introduced. the four teachers who were around played judges, and i was one of the seven winners in that poetry slam. hehe.

on the way home on the bus, everyone began singing pop songs. the only other senior yas and i sat in front with two teachers, my club moderator and my grammar teacher from last year. we consoled our ears by talking about rock music on the way home. it must've been so funny to see our faces when someone would suddenly burst out a song of backstreet boys or something. it was horrible. but it was fun cos i got to see the side of these two teachers i had never really seen before. i always knew they were rockers, but talking to them for almost a whole hour about nothing but music was really different. i even lent my sarah maclachlan cd to that grammar teacher of mine. who knew she carries a picture of yummy brandon boyd in her wallet and considers him her boyfriend?

i stayed in school up to the evening. a concert of the glee club was held in the auditorium, and since i have a lot of friends there i used up the rest of my allowance for the week to pay for the ticket. they were amazing. a lot of them come from the senior batch and towards the end of the concert they got pretty emotional. they got pretty attached to the moderator, who is very close to our batch and i guess they just didn't like the thought that this is our last year with her. sentimental, i know. but we really love her.

so that was what happened friday. nothing much happened yesterday. went to megamall (from its name it is obviously a huge mall) with my sisters today. i hunted for a new pair of rubber shoes, which i got on sale, and i luckily found the limited edition of the smashing pumpkins' rotten apples. i was so happy. thursday i was on the brink of crying because a classmate of mine said that the limited edition, which included the judas o (which has all the great b-sides) cannot be found in the record stores anymore. i was so disheartened. thankfully it's still in the record bars. :) i'm listening to it right now. :) it's an advanced birthday gift by my sisters. hooray!

for the first time here in the philippines i took the mrt, or subway, or whatever you wanna call it. last time i rode in one was about a year and a half ago when i went to singapore. i actually expected more from the ride. expected more of an experience actually. i expected it to be far, far worse than the mrt in singapore (afterall almost everything is better there compared to manila) but the ride was actually--normal. strange. what makes it funny is that the smell inside the train is the exact same smell as the one in singapore. even stranger.

turns out that this band called lighthouse family is in town. i don't like them, just that song where they included a remake of u2's song "one". the band had an autograph signing session at the mall. it was really funny because everytime we go to the mall and see an autograph signing of a foreign band, the place is usually jampacked like an hour before. the show was supposed to start at 4, and around that time the place was almost empty with few scatters of people here and there. all i could really do was laugh and be thankful that the next time they do their rounds in asia they certainly will not be coming here. considering the turn out, not surprisingly the signing session ended by about 6:30. i know cos when we returned to that area the place was almost cleared up. what a flop. nyahaha.

i don't believe it. westlife remade sarah machlachlan's song angel. they're ruining the song. turning it into a pop song. soon enough everyone will be singing it. help me boycott westlife. PLEASE.

2002-01-30T05:22:00.000-08:00

my guestbook is rotting.

this is great. today i received a very uplifting, motivating letter. it's from my literature teacher who is also my creative writing elective teacher and my creative writing club moderator (i know, i get too much of her). this is what she wrote:

dear anjali,
i just want to say I'M REALLY PROUD OF YOU for being ann extremely responsible, hardworking, and enthusiastic (although harrassed J) club president. i am SO grateful to have someone like you to work with! i know it is NOT easy to motivate the CWG people, to get them to submit things on time, but you've always done the best you can--even at the expense of your own sanity. J
thank you! and i hope everything goes well until the end of the school year (L lapit na. translation:which is soon) there. i just wanted to tell you.

i really felt good reading the letter. like someone had finally noticed my efforts for the club. i suddenly felt guilty cos just yesterday i was mad at her (to her back, of course) because she didn't seem to pay too much attention to the club. she must have noticed it and felt guilty as well. but that was yesterday. it all changed today.

more, more, more tests!

and another pj harvey one...

Take The Mu$ic Biz Whore Test

and more to come...

2002-01-25T07:05:00.000-08:00

last time i blogged i was listening to the smashing pumpkins. nothing's changed. i love them.

today was a rad day. we had a championship debate that went on between four sections british parliamentary style. topic was about globalization of third world nations. boring subject. therefore, i sucked. but i didn't care. all the other teams were good and i knew we couldn't stand a chance against them so my partner june and i were just taking it all lightly and stuff. obviously we didn't win, but we did get bronze medals just for being runners-up. they also announced the mythical eight, the eight top debaters throughout the tournament. i was one of them! i really couldn't believe it. there were so many other good debaters who didn't get recognized by this. reward was a silver medal and a name as an honorary varsity member of the debate team. as if it would make much of a difference. we've only got two months of school left!

for the first time, i'm doing my friday five on a friday five. yay for me!

1. What cologne or perfume do you wear?
i am in love with raspberry scented colognes. they're really yummy. i also like tommy girl

2. What cologne or perfume do you like best on the opposite sex?
i'm no perfume expert, but i do know too much perfume on a guy is really yucky, and too little (meaning they smell like beer) is even yuckier. i don't have a particular preference, just that they (please) use it in moderation

3. What one smell can you not stomach?
i have a lousy sense of smell, i can't decipher one smell from the other. but i hate the smell of this particular kind of fish (i forget what it's called). our neighbors, who are caterers, cook this at times really late at night and i just cannot go to bed with the stench and their laughter and voices.

4. What smell do you like that others might consider weird?
the smell of old books. i know a lot of people love the smell of old books, but many more people find it weird when i rub my nose on pages of books kept in corners of the library. (ok, that was weird)

5. How do you plan to spend your weekend?
no specific plans yet, just a bit of rest and sleep, and i also have to finish editing my club's original works. i was supposed to got to a concert tomorrorw night with a bunch of my friends, with local bands like imago, sandwich, slapshock, and itchyworms performing, but my dad and his cynicism got in the way. damn.

2002-01-21T06:11:00.000-08:00

i haven't been blogging again! argh. listening to the smashing pumpkins, as always. mmm. :) i'm actually procrastinating my work for tonight. i have to choose about five to ten of my works to publish in the folio that will be released in march. it's an integration of our writing elective and the writing club, which i'm both a part of, so it's added pressurer for me. i don't want to choose my works cos i can't find any that are good enough. :( i hate what i have to go through now. (comfort me through the guestbook please)
watched zoolander over the weekend. man i loved it! ben stiller was so damn hot. i could not stop laughing throughout. this kind of movie, although it has a shallow theme, has smart humor, which is great. i love sarcasm. and i love ben stiller. there's something about mary is nothing compared to this. go watch it, if you haven't yet!
i once again forgot to do my friday five. just for the sake of catching up, here it is:

1. What do you have your browser start page set to?
Yahoo!

2. What are your favorite news sites?
eh? i don't read the news.

3. Favorite search engine?
google

4. When did you first get online?
1997 maybe? i had no idea what websites were.

5. How do you plan to spend your weekend?
er, in retrospect, i spent it by watching zoolander with my sister...editing the poems of my clubmates...i also read three chapters of the filipino novel we're assigned to read!(in one day? that's a HUGE accomplishment! congratulate me here!)

and while i wasn't blogging...

man. i'm so boring.

Take The Goth Type Test

2002-01-16T06:18:00.000-08:00

dammit. i just did this really long blog and, of course, stupid computer had to hang. argh.
now let me try to refresh what i had written earlier...

some of my relatives came over today for a ritual that was made in honor of my aunt. she died last year, and this was the first death anniversary prayer service. over lunch my aunts and uncles talked about how schools nowadays are such sadists. my sentiments exactly. they talked about why the quality of education is degrading, the rationale as to why students buy their theses from off the street (literally), and why public school teachers own more than private school teachers. i could totally relate. i told them that a lot of times it's not the teachers at fault, but the administration.

of course, i am holding some bias against the admin right now.

in the christmas issue of our school newspaper (which, not surprisingly, has not yet been released), i wrote a short story entitled "the death of christmas". it was probably the better of all the short stories i've ever written (which are about three), and since it was something different, i decided to have it published in the newspaper.

and what do you know? the admin censored my title. i couldn't believe it. apparently because it's too sad. a whole editorial was scrapped too. it supposedly became this really big issue. they didn't like how the x-mas ish turned out to be: sad, pessimistic.

and how do they like a christmas ish? oh, perhaps by putting in cups and cups of hope, teaspoons of joy, and a very, very small pinch of anger. in other words, they wanted it happy.

christmas and happy? those two words no longer mix. i could not understand why the admin could not see it for themselves that we are not in a utopian world. it seems they are living in this fantasy land where they would like to take us all and teach us how to be blinded by reality.

but more than that, i could not understand why the admin takes so much control over the paper. afterall, the paper is the voice of the student body through ink, and what is supposed to be published are overall thoughts of the students put into writing by a number of people. by censoring our works, they are censoring our thoughts. just as they are controlling the paper, they are controlling our thoughts as well.

doesn't that just make you all heated inside?

exams ended today. i can finally sleep. mmm. :)

and these few days, when i was not blogging, i wasn't just studying. i strived to heal my writer's block syndrome. i created a list:

15 ways to rid myself of the long-standing writer's block i've been enduring:

1. read the chapter on writer's block in the idiot's guide to creative writing

2. read more original works from people my age

3. be more observant

4. write downthe little snippets i always mean to write but never do

5. be more sensitive

6. stop telling myself i've forgotten how to write

7. edit works

8. stop thinking i have writer's block

9. put regular writing back on my priority list

10. don't procrastinate writing when ideas begin to run in my head

11. relaize that by not writing i am slowly losing my own individuality

12. continue writing what i've started even if it really sucks

13. don't censor own thoughts (unlike certain people...)

14. prove that i am indeed worth of being literary editor of the school newspaper and president of the writing club

15. imagine

what do you think? drop me a line on my guestbook. it's back!

2002-01-13T10:19:00.000-08:00

BLOG #: 34
ON: january 14, 2002
AT: 1:50 am
JUST LISTENED TO: the wallflowers album, "bringing down the horse"
LSS: "happy new year" from rent (although i know it's pretty late for that)
SHOULD BE: studying for exams

wow. i haven't blogged in days. and to think i have so much to blog about.

i'm supposed to be studying right now cos exams start tomorrow. i've got economics and trigonometry. i'm only halfway with eco and i haven't started trigo. eep. spent the whole weekend at rose's house to help her catch up with her studies. i'm sure coming back to school after three weeks in the hospital and two weeks of vacation makes you stare into the blackboard in a very stupid way. (hehe sorry rose!)

i stumbled upon a porn site the other day. freaky. it was a site showing britney spears naked and supposedly having sex with her ex-boyfriend. there was even one caught on tape. the moment the site loaded all these pop-outs started to come out and literally squeezed its way on my start toolbar. all of these sites were automatically bookmarked, and to add to that, they were automatically placed on my desktop. i frantically deleted all these sites and searched for all of these sites on my history folder and all other folders that saved internet files.

my motto now is as follows: NEVER AGAIN, PORN! NEVER AGAIN!

i found out thursday that i got into ateneo. i'm so happy! of course this has brought about a few problems. i tried out initially just to see if i was eligible to become a student, and now that i passed, i really want to go there. forget la salle. i got into my first choice, also communications. my main problem is the distance of the university to my house. my dad will definitely not allow me to dorm so that's out of the question. neither will he allow me to commute cos it's too unsafe over here. so, i'm back to la salle. my dad semi-joked that i could move out and live with either two of my relatives who live near the area but i don't think dad or my sisters are willing to let me go that easily. oh well. at least i passed! awesome. :)

that same night, i decided to pop into klassy's site and read the blog she had just posted a few minutes before. she was basically ranting about life, added how diplomas and all are just pieces of shit created out of mere expectations by others. suddenly i just felt so guilty. here i was, basking in my own glory of passing ateneo when klassy made me realize how superficial this world is. how college is this crappy thing made to make other people happy. how everything is really just for show.

but of course, we can't really do anything about it. life sucks. we have to deal with it. that is why i will have to end this blog so i may study for my exams. after all, quoting from the way klassy put it, "good grades + good school = good career = good future"

you can be perceived as cold and cynical. your fascination with altering your image may be a sign
of insecurity, but it may also show a desire for change and experimentation, especially with wigs and hair dye.
you have a "no bullshit" attitude towards life. your talents are often overlooked in favor of your bandmates or colleagues,
but fear not. your day will come.

which pumpkin are you?

2002-01-09T07:12:00.000-08:00

Click here to find out!!!">

finally! a personality test that (almost vaguely) describes me!

2002-01-09T07:07:00.000-08:00

Click here to find out!!!">

I WANTED TO BE JACK!!!

2002-01-09T07:02:00.000-08:00

BLOG #: 31
ON: january 9, 2002
AT: 10:00 pm
WATCHING: the weakest link
LSS: that enrique iglesias song with love hewitt on the video

schools are sadists.

i can't believe this is only the third day after getting back to school. everything has been so hectic i've barely had time for myself. sunday i finished my report on that family we had to interview and didn't sleep until 5:30 am. nothing new, actually. although i have to attribute the staying up to my laziness and my addiction to the internet.

in our literature class today, we presented this little play based on a deconstruction that we made of fairy tales. my group got beauty and the beast. the story was basically the same, only more gruesome and brutal. i wanted though to deconstruct it by making it politically correct. i also wanted the beast to be a beast metaphorically, in that the story was set in the 1960 and he was a black man living in a white town. unfortunately it was too late to make those revisions. my classmates had some pretty funny deconstructions, like in "the princess and the pea", the princess gave birth to a, that's right, a pea. and in "cinderella", cinderella was actually a prostitute by night. and for some reason, she was the "main feature" at the prince's bachelor's pad. funny. :)

my mom went back to singapore yesterday. :( her three week stay seemed so short. i'm going to miss her.

2002-01-04T10:19:00.000-08:00

BLOG #: 30
ON: january 5, 2002
AT: 2:17am

can't sleep (again) tonight. had a massive headache a few hours ago, took some aspirins but i found that it did not at all make me sleepy. i realized it was due to the daily dose of coffee i had earlier. so i read a bit, and turned off the lights at 12, and after two hours of tossing and turning, i've decided to log on for a while.

will be having some of classmates here at home later in the day. we have this project to do for our religion class about interviewing a family whose income is below minimum wage. we'll be interviewing today at my house, since the family lives at the corner of our street.

one of my three promises for 2002 (not resolutions, mind you, but promises. there's a difference there.) that concerns the internet is to have regular entries of Friday Five, where five questions are given every friday to answer. although it's no longer friday here, it still is in other countries so here goes:

1. You've just won a complete collection of movies starring one actor - what actor would you pick?
i'd have a hard time choosing between tom hanks and johnny depp.

2. What was the last movie you saw in a theater?
monsters inc.

3. What was the last video or DVD that you bought?
cinderella and little mermaid

4. What movie could you watch over and over again and not get sick of?
mallrats; to wong foo, thanks for everything, julie newmar; sixth sense; dead man on campus

5. How do you plan to spend your weekend? saturday: have classmates over for group project; sunday: finish off all homework and get ready for school the next day. also meet a psychic?

2002-01-03T08:50:00.000-08:00

no i'm not. i don't know why i ever bother to take these tests.

2002-01-03T08:44:00.000-08:00

i wanted to be the robot from ai. i love haley joel. :(

2002-01-03T08:21:00.000-08:00

BLOG #: 27
ON: january 2, 2002
AT: 2:30 am

seems the only reason i blog nowadays is to post test results. hm. nothing to post about these days, at least, since after the wedding. my mendhi, by the way, is now a fading shade of brigh orange. i like it :) but i don't think it'll last till i go back to school on the seventh. darn.

wednesday we (my sisters, my mom and i) went to designer depot, this funky place where stores sell their stuff at factory price. we hadn't been there in a long time, so we took the free time we had left. i was supposed to go clothes shopping (since i'll be getting rid of my school uniform soon--goodbye high school! haha) but i ended up cd shopping. that is, pirated cd shopping. i counted them--10.
collectively my sisters and i bought 4 cds: incubus "morning view" (i highly reccomend it: the original cd is worth buying.), an alternative compilation (with songs mostly by disturbed and deftones), an aerosmith compilation, and a destiny's child (yuck) cd. we bought disney vcds of cinderella and the little mermaid, dead man on campus, a beatles mp3 compilation, and cd-roms of who wants to be a millionaire and survivor. the survivor is such a ripoff, i swear. i never get past the third day. somehow my character always ends up to be the first getting voted off--whether i'm jeff, colby, or alicia. argh. is it just me or do computer survivor players have a thing against human players?

2002-01-01T10:44:00.000-08:00

Take the What Should Your New Year's Resolution Be? Quiz

cool. but i don't make new year's resolutions.

2002-01-01T10:29:00.000-08:00

The Eighties Pop Act Test deems me:

55% Eighties Pop Act

You are The Smiths: You were a peripheral player in the eighties, people thought it was cool to be your friend, but they never really wanted to spend time with you. Go watch Twin Peaks reruns.

Which SNL Loser are *YOU*?

2002-01-01T10:25:00.000-08:00

BLOG #: 24
ON: january 2, 2002
AT: 2:30 am

well would you look at that. first blog of 2002. hooray for me! spent new year's eve over at klassy and riese's house for the traditional new year's dinner. it was great-- presents galore, fireworks galore, tequila galore, food galore, and pretty much everything else that makes a new year's celebration wonderful.

i haven't written (and i'm not talking blog here) in a long while. the last decent poem i wrote must have been last october. i'm not exactly sure why. i've had this case of writer's block since september. the flurry of ideas that would take space in my head are now gone. i look at my journal and i realize i have nothing to write about. ideas come every once in a while but i feel as though i don't know how to put them into words. when i go outside and see the moon, i make a mental note to write about it in my journal but i never get around to doing so. i think that i have sort of become unattached to my journal. this journal is the one i use for my creative writing class, we had to submit it and my teacher kept it for a month and a half. without the journal i had nothing. i didn't want to keep any other notebook for my ideas and i only type on the computer when there's this real need to. but for a month and a half i didn't find any need to write. now my journal is back with me and i can't seem to write anything on it. i wanted to write about my fading mendhi, meeting cynthia alexander, george harrison dying, my rants about christmas, the sky last new year's eve, my mom coming back, but i never did. i now find that as a writer i am uselesss without my journal. i used to write everyday before: make lists, do some freewriting, make up metaphors, but now nothing comes out, not even when i listen to my favorite smashing pumpkins song or look at the orange streetlamp outside my window. i feel as though i have forgotten how to write. the worst part is i don't know how to learn again.

2001-12-30T08:21:00.000-08:00

happy new year all! tonight the whole family meets again for the traditional reunion (seems we can't get enough of each other!)

watch those guns please!

2001-12-30T08:19:00.000-08:00

These frogs occur in several colour forms, each confined to very small locations within the eastern quadrant of Madagascar. They like their habitat with temperatures around 68 - 70*F and high humidity. This species is very showy in captivity preferring elevated positions out in the open. Males are generally smaller, slimmer and more angular in build than females and not as vocal as other species of mantellas. Females can produce eggs at a rate of once every two months given proper care.

What kind of Frog are you?

You have an air of intelligence about you, some might even perceive you as being stuck up. You seem like you may be a nice person when you're not throwing one of your ever-present hissy fits and being a bitch to everyone. And take off your socks when you make whoopie, he hates it!

Take The "Which Kevin Smith Female Are You?" Quiz!!

heehee

2001-12-29T07:42:00.000-08:00

Take the Corporate Mascot Test at Willaston's Lounge!

am i really?

2001-12-29T07:18:00.000-08:00

shit. i almost erased the html codes for this blog. thank god everything is still working fine.

ps sign my guestbook! ignore the layout. still have to modify it.

2001-12-29T06:53:00.000-08:00

speaking of imelda marcos...

saw her today outside the mall, getting into her car. rad.

2001-12-29T06:51:00.000-08:00

BLOG #: 19
ON: december 29 2001
AT: 10:59pm
WATCHING: jay leno
LSS: the new creed song (i have to admit, i actually like it)
IS WEARING: my pe outfit: jogging pants, white shirt, and a jacket. it's damn cold tonight.

seems so long since i blogged. i've been wanting to blog the past two days but blogger was down. argh.

update:

on thursday i found out that i got into de la salle university. with my first choice, communication arts. i can't believe it. i'm a step closer to fulfilling my dream (making an hbo-worthy documentary about teenagers afflicted with aids). i'm so damn happy. i actually only tried for two universities: ateneo de manila university and dlsu. ateneo, because it's my dream school. but for my dad it's out of the question because it's too far from home (he won't let me dorm). la salle is my only other option (i'm very picky with colleges) because it's nearby, it's got the course i want, and both my sisters study/studied there. after i took the ateneo test, i completely ruled out the possibility of getting in because of the toughness of the questions, especially in math. i put all my hopes on la salle. the la salle test was alright, but i had two problems: two essays which had to be done on the spot. the first was in english. now when i write, i think for a really long time, and then i go on and on and on. unfortunately, time was up and i hadn't completed the essay. then came the filipino essay. i'm not very good in filipino, and my essay really sucked. minimum was 500 words, and i think i completed only about 300 words cos i had nothing to say. so i got all paranoid that i won't be able to pass la salle, even if dol told me that she had graduated with people who were dumber than me. i thought i would end up becoming a waitress in a mcdonalds or something. but hell, it's all over. i passed, dammit! i'm happy. i've got a future now.

Which Evil Criminal are You?

2001-12-26T06:46:00.000-08:00

this entry was actually written yesterday, but our stupid server was down. because i'm too lazy to edit this long entry, let's all pretend i posted this yesterday.
BLOG #: 18
ON: december 25 2001
AT: 6:35 pm
IS LOVING: the mendhi on her hands

merry christmas y'all!

truth is i don't really feel it to be christmas. i guess it's just the fact that a wedding just took place so we're all more into the wedding spirit than the christmas spirit. the whole family has been so busy with the wedding these past few days that today is actually our first day of rest, so we all just want to stay home instead.

(i think i should go by the days chronologically)

on saturday we all went to auntie neelu's house (she's the mom of bubloo) to put mendhi. it's so cool. i have on my left palm, and the best part about it is that it's original, it's authentic, and it's so indian that it's gothic. reminds me of madonna in her video "frozen". in the evening a ritual was made, it's supposed to be done to the groom on the night before his wedding. whenever i would ask my mom or anyone else what the symbolisms of this and that are, they would answer indirectly. my conclusion is that this ceremony is actually a consent for the groom to perform sexual desires. haha. i promised riese i'd read all about it and then tell her.

the next day, sunday, was the wedding. we arrived at auntie neelu's house in the afternoon. some prayers were performed at around 6pm, after which everyone headed to the manila mandarin hotel for the wedding. but the groom and a few others, myself included, first headed to the dusit hotel to pick up the bride and her family. we arrived there, and i saw cyd, the bride, looking so pretty. although she's filipino, her dress and the way she carried herself made her look so indian. some prayers were once again performed, and then we went to the manila mandarin. there, the wedding itself took place, and it was all so grand. i loved the wedding. dinner was served, then desert. my god, the desert! we all pigged out like hell on the deserts (at least i did).

since we were family, we had to wait till the ballroom was emptied out. as we waited to take pictures with the newlyweds, kar, riese, klassy and i made fun of the almost-lousy indian band. later on, our uncle bob informed us that the girl on keyboards was cynthia alexander. the cynthia alexander. i knew how she looked like but we couldn't really see her face from where we were sitting earlier on. we couldn't believe it. uncle bob said he was able to get her autograph so klassy and i decided to do the same. the song ended. we were about to approach cynthia alexander, rock goddess of philippine music. she (along with grace nono) made the indo-ethnic scene cool here in the philippines.

gathering all the courage we could get, klassy, riese and i walked up the stage. klassy reached cynthia first, and by the time i struggled my skirt up the stage, she was already telling cynthia, "oh my god, i can't believe it's you! you're like a god! we worship you!" things like that. cynthia stood up from behind her keyboards, shook our hands and said that she really wasn't supposed to be there, she was only invited by her tabla teacher (who was also part of the band) to play at the last minute. we made conversation and tried to prolong the time we were actually talking to the cynthia alexander. she talked about how she thought she was going to play the guitar but she ended up playing the keyboards, and i joked about how good it is that she didn't have fat fingers. that's when we saw her fingers up close. her long, smooth, slender fingers. the fingers of a diva. we then asked her to sing a song, but she didn't want to. (we needed a break from the crappy indian songs being played) we told her about how it was our first time to attend a wedding and she was talking about how she had never been to an occasion like this before. we asked her for her autographs. she gave one to klassy and riese that said "hari bol", and i asked one for my good friend tin-tin which said "namaste!". our little cousin patrick came upstage and started to touch cynthia's keyboards and cynthia alexander began to play with my cousin. now how cool could that get? we then shook hands with cynthia alexander (we held her hand for a total of three times) and thanked her for the autographs.

we got offstage and we marvelled at how great she was. klassy wondered if we sounded like teenys or if we were cool. i told her we were "cool", cos we're indian and she's into the indian thing. i regretted not showing our mendhi. that would have earned us cool points. heh. later on my uncle bob came over to us and we cheered for cynthia alexander to sing. she got the mike and said "the people over there want cynthia alexander to sing... well, don't expect it." shucks. but hell, we were happy enough. i felt it was alright that she didn't sing. i think the scenario was perfect already. this famous goddess at a private wedding playing keyboards without (barely) anyone noticing her. i think that if she sang it would seem as though she was trying to popularize or sell herself. the fact that she remained humble by not singing made me love her more.

the band ended soon after. i thought that she would stay awhile and congratulate the newly weds or something, but she headed towards the exit right away. klassy and i debated whether or not to say goodbye to her, and we didn't realize it, but we were following her to the exit as well. i pretended that i was going over to one of my aunts sitting near the door. cynthia looked back and i waved. she took a few steps backward so i approached her. she said that coming here was so wild, so sponatneous, spur of the moment. i told her it's called carpe diem. i thanked her once again and she left. when i looked back, klassy was not with me. i felt so bad when i went up to her and i told her that i was able to say goodbye to cynthia alexander. she didn't know because her dad pulled her aside to introduce her to some of her friends. all the while i thought that she was behind me. :(

but the night ended great. we were all tired, but we didn't care because we met cynthia alexander.

yesterday the whole clan met up to have lunch and dinner in auntie neelu's house. dol, kar, klassy, riese and i whiled the time in the afternoon by playing a grueling 4 hour game of monopoly. i was winning for the first part of the game, thanks to our uncle hassa who was guiding me, but i later got bankrupt cos i had to give all my money away to kar and riese (who had a whopping $1700 investment on boardwalk. argh.) riese won, of course. i won third place.

wow. this is a long blog. i think i better end it her for the meantime.
shoutouts to klassy, who looked very winona ryder-ish in her gothic gown and shaggy hair. and to riese, who, although we kept insisting, did not look like marion from m2m. love you both. *mwah*

2001-12-21T08:57:00.000-08:00

as an endnote to her story (she emailed it to me) rose said this about me. *sniff*

For anjali, who shares my love of pretty gay gothic boys and without whom i would have not known the existence of this song

i want her to come back from baguio already. :(

2001-12-21T08:44:00.000-08:00

BLOG #: 16
ON: december 22 2001
AT: 1:52am
LISTENING TO: 3 doors down
LSS: some christmas song with the lyrics... "do they know it's christmas time at all?"
IS SIMULTANEOUSLY: charging her cellphone and checking her email
IS FEELING: sleepy

i love rose. her part christmas gift to me is a story she's written based on the smashing pumpkins' song "here is no why". a long time ago i showed her the lyrics and said that she should write a story about a gothic rock boy. tonight, out of the blue, she texted me and said that she had written the story and it was dedicated to me. i was surprised, flattered, excited, proud. she such a terrific writer. her passion and her talent combined really makes her out of the ordinary. she's emailed me the story, i can't wait to read it.
here is the song:

the useless drag of another day
the endless drags of a death rock boy
mascara sure and lipstick lost
glitter burned by restless thoughtss of being forgotten
and in your sad machines
you'll forever stay
desperate and displeased-with whoever you are
and you're a star
somewhere-he pulls his hair down-over a
frowning smile
a hidden diamond you cannot find
a secret star that cannot shine over to you
may the king of gloom, be forever doomed
and in your sad machines
you'll forever stay
burning up in speed
lost inside the dreams, of teen machines
the useless drags, the empty days
the lonely towes of long mistakes
to forgotten faces and faded loves
sitting still eas never enough
and if you're giving in, then you're giving up
cause in your sad machines
you'll forever stay
burning up in speed
lost inside the dreams, of teen machines
-here is no why by the smashing pumpkins.

hmph. now i want the smashing pumpkins greatest hits. i can't believe i don't have any moolah in my wallet.
i blame this on christmas.

tomorrow i get to put mendhi or commonly known as henna tattoos on my hands, it's part of the wedding ceremonies, i think, that all the girls get to put. it's really great cos the girl putting on us (my cousin's cousin) actually took a course on this. although i don't want a totally intricate design, i'm all psyched up cos this is gonna be like really authentic, the design and materials and all. i'm not really sure if this is allowed in school, but what the hell? i can always say that it's my culture, not theirs, so they better leave my ass alone. hehe.

2001-12-20T03:34:00.000-08:00

BLOG #: 15
ON: december 20 2001
AT: 7:33 pm
LISTENING TO: a pirated alternative-rock compilation cd. specifically don't look back in anger by oasis
LSS: charm attack by leona ness
THINKING OF: why the crossword was so hard today
IS FEELING: very cold and tired

i went to a janya today of my cousin bubloo. it's this sacred thread ceremony that all hindu guys have to go through before they get married. i'm really glad i went cos i had never been to one. my cousins riese, klassy and laika were there to keep me company all throughout, as we played with our little cousins and (really) pigged out on the food. we shared ideas for our sites (klassy, can't wait for the new layout; riese, can't wait for your site to be back up again. i miss it too much :( )
my cousin will be getting married on sunday, we're all excited because i for one have never been to an indian wedding before (i'm a bad, bad indian.). this is not going to be the traditional indian wedding though, (with occasions days and weeks before the wedding date) since my cousin is marrying a filipino, but hey, it's still something to really look forward to. i'm also looking forward to wearing my indian outfit on sunday :) and seeing everybody all made up.

last night was my first sleep since sunday night. i've been so busy with the term paper that i just really didn't get the time to sleep until yesterday.
we didn't have classes monday, so i managed to do upto five pages that night. on tuesday our classes started in the afternoon, so i asked one of my groupmates, doti, to come a bit early so we could work on the paper in the library. when i came, she was busy doing something for her club, and couldn't leave until the person she was waiting for came. i told her to meet me in the lib after the person came.

she never did.

man was i pissed. this was the only chance for her to help me, even a bit, and she never did. i got so mad. i didn't care about my other two groupmates; one is just really lazy--i'm used to that--and the other, is pam (eww. read about her in my second blog. december 1, 2001.), whom i'm pepretually mad at. but doti was supposed to be the only person in the group i could rely on for help.
so i stayed up once again that tuesday night. i felt bad because it was my sister dolly's birthday and we had plans of going out for dinner. they had to cancel because of me and my paper.
but, at least, i was able to finish the ten page paper. the next day, (yesterday) i got to the classroom and went straight to sleep on my table. doti noticed and kept saying "sorry, sorry, sorry..." she felt really guilty that (once again) i had done everything. i just said, it's okay, it's over. the truth was i wanted to scream at her but i couldn't because i didn't have the energy to and she had just given me a christmas gift.
that was our christmas party and last day, so i was able to get the chance to rest when i got home (rest: eg. fiddle on the computer.) that night the family went to have a post-birthday dinner for dol. on the way to the mall, as my dad and i argued on the physics of the bullet hitting our ceiling, we passed this statue of ninoy aquino with someone behind him and i could actually see the two people dance. i'm serious. even after i realized it was all in my head they still wouldn't stop moving. delirium. what a funny incident that was. nobody wanted to listen when i told them, though. i wouldn't wonder why.

read about klassy's FA-A-BULOUS encounter with M2M. (i say fabulous not because it was -ugh- m2m, but because of what they did. go on, read! and spread the story, too.)

2001-12-17T12:46:00.000-08:00

BLOG #:14
ON: december 18 2001 (happy birthday dol! you're of legal drinking age now!)
AT: 4:40 am
EVADING: my term paper
LOOKING FOR: sanctum
EATING: chipipay or cheap local junk food
COFFEE QUENCHERS: two today. mm.
LATEST LSS: lady madona by the beatles (i forget why)

argh. writer's block. i hate it when i get this. i'm not even over my last writer's block. heh. weird. 4 days worth of work and i've only accomplished 3 pages of my term paper on paz marquez benitez. mainly cos i'm slacking off, the effect of not knowing what to write next.

i'm screaming for help.

and my groupmates for this paper are obviously not coming to the rescue.

it's not that i'm not interested in the topic--i really am. i find the Philippines circa 1930 so fascinating, so grand, somehow exclusive.
i just hate the fact that this is a 15-page year long paper. i'm used to writing such papers in one night. i don't like step by step processes. it makes everything too organized. i don't like organization. i hated working on the thesis statement, i hated doing the outline, i most definitely hated doing the notecards. although i did all these months ago, these past three days have been spent adding more, more, MORE notecards, revising the thesis statement, revamping the outline.

the outcome? a three page research paper. two pages, minus the introduction.

this is due wednesday. (tomorrow? ack!)

dear lord, help me.

and in other news...

taked to rose about 20 minutes ago. she's out of the hospital, btw. she was able to sneak out of her mom's room (where her mom is currently holding her hostage due to certain health issues, ie a headache) to call me so we could talk for a few minutes. she told me of this marvelous plan our friends and i could do come graduation. have a sleepover, then have this "goodbye high school ceremony". it's really funky. i hope everyone else will be up to the idea.

rose found this great ad for a writing contest. a novel for young adults, open to all. she was really up to the idea and started to have a flurry of thoughts about what she should write about.

our creative writing teacher's number one rule: WRITE WHAT YOU KNOW.

rose's topic? lesbianism in an exclusive girl's school. and all the screwing up that comes with it. i'm so excited. :)

should i go back to writing the paper? my conscience is starting to haunt me.

have i pleaded for help already?

2001-12-16T21:57:00.000-08:00

this was written yesterday, december 16. due to some, er, technological fault, i am only able to post this today.

at 5:30 this morning my sister, my mom (she sleeps in our room) and i all awoke to the sound of something, like a piece of metal, falling. we searched with our eyes for what had made the sound. my sister karina found on her bed scatters of wood chippings. she looked up and could only say, "oh my god, oh my god". without my glasses and with my disorientation, i thought a rat had *somehow* fallen from our roof and into our room because my mom said, "look up, there's a hole in the ceiling.". karing found beside hers and my mom's pillows a bullet. the hole where the bullet went through was only inches away from the heads of my sister and my mom (who sleeps between karina and myself) --and me as well. this was such a bizaare experience. an obvious proof of how reckless some people can be. i did not realize how bad the experience was until kar started to shake and cry. it was so close. all i can really think about is how thankful i am that the bullet bumped the headbord and--god forbid--not anything, or anyone else. the experience is a trauma for all of us--especially kar. she's scared to lie down on her bed again because she will only see that hole staring back at her. for some reason, i'm not really scared. i guess this feeling is shadowed by the feeling of relief that we're all still alive today.

2001-12-15T08:35:00.000-08:00

yay! it works!!! now to do my term paper... (draft is due wednesday. :s)

2001-12-15T08:33:00.000-08:00

testing the html i did for this page. let's all hope it works...

2001-12-13T08:30:00.000-08:00

BLOG #: 10
ON: december 14, 2001 (technically it's still the 13th)
AT: 12:35 am
IS WEARING: a sesame street shirt and red shorts
OVERALL FEELING TONIGHT: surprise. that i barely have anything to do.

on mom
my mom came home today. from singapore. it's been eleven months since i've seen her, the feeling is really great now. i missed her. it was really nice to feel her tight hug again, smell her perfume, hear her footsteps, see her smile. she hasn't changed.
it's her birthday today as well. (too many people celebrate their birthdays as christmas approaches. *grumble* expenses...) she's a big 4-1 now. wow. we get old really fast, don't we? i don't think anybody would disagree with me on that.

on *carlo*
i am now an official stalker. i know the phone number, email address, and icq number of carlo ledesma. does this mean i am on the edge of obsession and nearing insanity? i've dreamed about him (he was an exchange student in class and he liked my cellphone casing), i can't wait to see him every gameplanepisode (to pinoys out there, don't forget: gameplan, wednesdays, 8:30, studio 23.), everytime i listen to rent i remember his erotic moves onstage (i'd rather not talk about THAT), my school folder is collaged (literally) with pictures of him, i crazily search for him on the net, i have his contact information, my physics teacher knows his sister, i spoke crappy things to him when i met him because i was too nervous, i have pictures of him from as early as 1994, and now i'm once again going on and on about him! somebody help me please!
i have no idea whether or not i should email him. of course, i have to pretend that i am NOT a stalker, i am NOT obsessed, and i am NOT a teenybopper of him. (i completely deny the last one.)
should i, or should i not?

on (argh) fe
fe, or ms. isidro for politeness' sake, is my economics teacher. she is one helluva bitch, i swear to god. last friday we had to scrape off all vandalisms on our table, but before doing so, she checked our tables for equations for her subject. last tuesday, she told us she found two tables that had the equations for computing the gnp (they were vandalised before our long test), and she was positive that these vandalisms come from our class. she wants these two people (cheaters, as she calls them) to come up to her by friday afternoon. these people will, of course, get violations, so obviously there is a very slim chance that anybody will confess. if nobody confesses, she will 1) give us a class offense, 2)have all our tests different from all the other classes--all analysis that is, and 3)the whole class gets a minus twenty in our long test, the twenty points coming from the part of the test in computing the gnp.

which is totally not fair.

she screamed, shouted, ranted, and basically acted like an idiot when somebody said that she was being unfair. we think that we can pretty much accept the first two threats. we can just help each other out in studying and "analyzing" her lessons. but for our grades to be gravely affected? we thought that involving grades into the issue was WAY unfair. 32 people of the 34 in class DO NOT DESERVE THEIR GRADES TO BE DEDUCTED JUST BECAUSE OF THE WRONGDOINGS OF TWO PEOPLE. it just isn't right. our final grades will be affected, for god's sake! for a while, everybody just kept on complaining about her and her our of this world rules so i suggested to our class president to write a class letter to her. explaining how we all feel, and perhaps she will agree. hopefully she isn't too stupid to change her mind.

christmas vacation is coming soon, and it is no excuse if by january i haven't fixed up the layout of this blog and put up my webpage on the net. sigh. pray for my willingness, hardworkingness, and hints of craftiness for me.

argh.

2001-12-09T16:53:00.000-08:00

lovely, lovely thanks to my cousin Klassy for linking me in her site. and to her sister Riese for offering me her domain in my soon to be uploaded (hopefully) website. :) to both of you, here's a huge sloppy kiss!

2001-12-09T15:58:00.000-08:00

BLOG #: 8
ON: december 10, 2001
AT: 8:05 am
HUNGER STATUS: i have nothing in my tummy :(
LSS: “schism” by tool
IS WATCHING: weekenders on the disney channel (unfortunately it’s a replay)
IS MISSING: my bestfriend :(
IS HATING: monday mornings

no classes today! yippee :D we had to go to school yesterday (believe it, on a sunday) because there was a “family day”. really stupid. and boring. i didn’t bring my family, of course. so anyway the administrators at school took heart and called off classes for today.

friday was my bestfriend rose’s birthday. unfortunately she’s been confined in the hospital since wedensday. there’s nothing seriously wrong with her, she’s just been getting migraines for the longest time but they can’t seem to find the cause. and how to get rid of it. so they confined her for added medication and all. last friday i went with rose’s sisters to the hospital after school and stayed there for an hour or so. it was really fun, ten minutes after i arrived her classmates came, about 8 or 9 of them. i gave rose the birthday gift of our group, a mini zen garden with a candle and a salt and pepper shaker. that’s right, a salt and pepper shaker. when i bought it i honestly thought they were incense stick holders because of the way it was displayed. i told rose that she got a double treat by the gift. hehe :p i’m going to be visiting her again this afternoon, hopefully her migraine won’t be aching as much then.

i can’t believe i will be graduating in three months. it’s going to pass by really quickly, before i know it, i’m going to be saying goodbye to all my classmates and friends. last week the whole senior batch received memos from the student council. they wanted to find a way to get it through our heads that we need to prove our teachers wrong. everybody’s really disappointed with our batch and it seems everybody’s lost hope in us. so we took the opportunity yesterday during family day to show the teachers that we’re not as insensitive, screwed up, disorganized as they think we are. we had an inter-batch cheering competition, (freshmen vs. sophomores vs. juniors vs. seniors) and in our cheers we really said that we were misjudged and we’ll prove it. and what do you know? we won! we won in the dance competition as well. i guess this is only the first of a few more to come.

last friday we had a “sand day”, the way for the administration to punish our batch. they’ve noticed A LOT of vandalisms on our tables of equations, terms, crushes, so they instructed us to use sandpaper to rub out all these markings. i didn’t think it to be fair for a lot of us who never vandalized. we thought this punishment was more apt to those were suspended. but at least it’s all over and done with now.

it’s homework day today. off to do my informal theme paper in literature. i have to think of an existentialist question and answer it myself. argh.

later days!

2001-12-02T22:23:00.000-08:00

BLOG #:7
ON: december 3, 2001
AT: 2:27 pm

listening to the beatles. how sad. :( 'tis a beatles filled day today.

2001-12-02T22:01:00.000-08:00

BLOG #: 6
ON: december 3, 2001
AT: 1:41 pm
LATEST LSS: umaaraw, umuulan by rivermaya
SONG I CAN'T STOP HEARING: wish you were here by incubus

was supposed to blog last night but my sister was hogging the computer trying to figure out how to do her monthly report for november. (she's only been working 4 days)

watched ashton kutcher on conan. yum. (i say THAT, mind you, for the former.) jewel was there too, i like her new song. incubus, on the other hand, was on leno. brandon boyd. yum, yum.

this morning was so unlike any other monday morning. i was up by 6, ready by 6:30. i actually had 30 minutes of spare time before we all left the house at 7. how weird. usually on mondays everybody rushes, nobody has any time to actually sit down. leaving at 7am on a monday morning is a huge success in this household.

but, despite my having so much time watching the morning show on tv, i did not bother to make myself some breakfast. (i never do) i knew that i would get hungry by the time i reached school, but i still didn't eat. good thing a classmate of mine brought junk food with her.

we got off school early today, basically cos the school was good to us. there's this school occasion, a "community day", and all we really did was burn our heads under the sun as we had mass and watched a program at the open area in school. good thing was we had free pinipigs. there were lots of extras so i ended up eating two. my tummy aches REAL BAD now. i don't even like ice cream.

let's see. milk. junk food. mashed potatos. mango juice. 2 pinipigs. rice. chicken nuggets. ketchup.
NOT GOOD. and to think this is all before 2:00 pm.

it's my dad's birthday today, let's all greet him a happy 50. i feel sorry for him cos he was sick all day yesterday, he had a swollen tooth and his fever was running high. he really has to do something about that toothache. guess that means no cake tonight.

(notice how this blog entry talks about food all throughout. this was unintentional, if you must know.)

2001-11-30T10:48:00.000-08:00

dammit, why the hell can't i find myself on blogger? :s

2001-11-30T10:09:00.000-08:00

hm. still getting the hang of this blog thing.

2001-11-30T09:31:00.000-08:00

BLOG #: 3
ON: december 1, 2001
AT: 12:58 am
IS STILL WATCHING: europe awards
IS STILL ANNOYED BY: that ali g dude
IS NOW LOVING: nothing, for some reason

this blog will tell a little something about me. hope you don't get repulsed by me. :p

name: anjali (to my teachers); anj (to my classmates); anju (to close friends and family)
was born: on feb 15 1986
that makes me: 15 years, 9 months andd 2 weeks old
lives in: manila, philippines
but i am: indian
religion: hindu
siblings?: two sisters, one 21, the other, 18
studies in: a catholic all girls school
is in: senior year
loves to: write, sleep, surf, watch tv, listen to music
fears: rats, cats, walking in the dark, ticking clocks, heights
raves: peanut butter, strawberries, the color orange, pencils, rock music, blueberry cookies, afternoon chicken fillet in school, gothic jewelry, the orange streetlamp outside our house
hates: "pop divas", teenyboppers, hello kitty, pink, bubblegum and cotton candy scented colognes, fish, a lot, A LOT more.
favorite artists: smashing pumpkins, new radicals, travis, gin blossoms, sarah mclachlan, wallflowers, coldplay, killing heidi, beatles, matchbox twenty, nirvana, blink 182, three doors down
favorite comic strips: the far side, calvin and hobbes, beerkada
favorite book: angela's ashes, the bluest eye, roald dahl books (waaay better than harry potter.), the catcher in the rye

wonder if this is enough. did i leave anything out?

oh yeah, i think that i will come to a point that i will be handwriting my blogs then type them once i get the time. (that's my cluttered lifestyle) so don't be surprised if the date i use is waay later than the date posted. hehe.

2001-11-30T09:29:00.000-08:00

BLOG #:2
ON: december 1, 2001
AT: 12:30 am
IS WATCHING: the europe music awards
IS ANNOYED BY: that ali g dude
IS LOVING: dido's voice. reminds me of sarah mclachlan.
IS WEARING: a sesame street shirt and bright orange hawaiian shorts

it was a holiday today (i'm speaking for november 30) and i took the opportunity (no, not that i wanted to) to catch up on my homework. i literally rummaged through about three months worth of newspapers lying in our garage to find all business sections for our economics project. man were my hands dirty afterwards. half the time i was supposed to look for articles, i was searching for "rent" articles, just to collect pictures of carlo ledesma. during its last showing here, which was about a couple of months ago, carlo played extras, but i didn't care. he was still so damn hot! especially when i met him on closing night. i didn't care either that his palms were sweaty when i shook his hand, his looks definitely made up for it.

i just realized i went off-topic. i tend to be like that when i talk about carlo. hehe. obsessed, aren't i?

anyway, i didn't have much luck with the rent articles but i did finish with the project. (believe that. on a friday afternoon. man.)

(stops for a moment. that puddle of mud dude is performing.)

today my dad promised that we would watch disney on ice on the 29th. i hope it will push through this year, every year we make plans but he pretty much forgets about them. that's what i hate about dads. but we poor kids can't really do anything now, can we?

i got the pictures from our class retreat last week, i have to make a mental note to put them up here some time. i couldn't believe how happy we all were in the pictures. to think that an hour before we had the pictures taken the bitch in our class (the girl everybody loves to hate for no apparent reason. and yes, she and i have been fighting since 3rd year high school) ruined the retreat for all of us. she really hurt our feelings when she spoke up, when she took the class generally in saying that a lot of people went to the retreat because we were required to. damn her. she tried her fifteen minute speech in the hopes of self pity (and for people to realize how sorry she is with no friends in class) but we only ended up hating her more. as of today nobody really talks to her, except the really forgiving people who only talk to her for necessary purposes.
during the retreat (her name's pam, by the way) she asked that we be friends again. i said no, of course. i said that i'm not a person who would "forgive and forget" (as the cliche goes) easily, and she would just have to live with my decision since the want to be friends is only one way. i guess she finally realized that it's no use competing with me, backstabbing me, because it always somehow works to my advantage. it's her karma, anyhow.

no doubt that i will have more stories about her in the coming blogs.
ooh, ramstein!

2001-11-30T09:28:00.000-08:00

BLOG #: 1
ON: november 29, 2001
AT: 8:45 pm
IS LISTENING TO: my favorite radio station (NU rocks)
IS BUSY: scratching my neck and searching for ingrowns on my legs
HUNGER STATUS: very hungry
IS WONDERING: how to keep myself busy for the night
IS WEARING: a bright yellow shirt that has a green flower at the center and green checkered shorts
CURRENT LSS (last song syndrome): fake plastic trees by radiohead. mm. :)

that's right. blog number 1. finally got the time to post one. i can't believe what a week it's been. i actually came home from school tuesday night, went straight to bed, woke up for dinner, studied for my physics test for about 15 minutes, then went back to bed. i still couldn't stay up the next morning. i blame my tiredness on monday night. i slept all evening and all night and woke up at 2am to write my best friend's retreat letter. a four page letter full of everything from our seven years of friendship. i never went back to sleep that night, i went on straight the whole day. except for that nap i took while my health teacher showed us pictures of how the baby is removed from the vagina. *shudders*

i had debates yesterday and today. yesterday june and i were partners, and we won on unanimous votes from the judges! (hooray) of course, it helps if the initial impression of people to you is that you are a good debater. even if we're only better than all the other debaters. today's debate was an inter-class debate, ayi and i were representatives of our class in debating. it was british parliament format, btw. we did not win, but we're pretty sure we ranked second. after the debate everyone was congratulating us as though we won. they said we deserved it cos we were good. at least that made my day. at the end of the tournament the rankings for each debate will be tallied, and though our class is not expecting to be in first place, we're at least hoping to receive a high enough rank.

hm. i think i'll end it here for now. i just realized i've lost grasp for words.